i love my life. i appreciate every breath i take... in and out, in and out.... to think that one day i will not breathe anymore does not frighten me. it's just there. a knowledge i cannot escape.
i have been faced with death a few times in my life. two have been hard enough to leave a major scar on my heart. my first pet, a kitty named Molly, died when i was very young. that was the first time i ever faced death. the second time occured when my grandmother died of breast cancer when i was 14. i never got completely over either. i know this because i just now got a small tear in my eye thinking about them.
life and death. what a paradox.
i have had a colleague for the past 8 months of my time here at the hotel. he is one of the happiest, sweetest, funniest men i've ever met. he was homosexual, quite flamey, loved Buffy, and had THE BEST outlook on life. for example, his house burnt down last Christmas day. the next day he comes in laughing about it. no joke. what a guy, right? what a great sense of humor.
i found out along the way that he has had AIDS for a while. but it never seemed to bother him. he never seemed sick or depressed or anything.
until today. he came to pick up two checks and handed me his hotel uniform shirts, telling me to give them to our manager. and then he said "goodbye" with such a look of DEFEAT in his eyes.... it killed me... i said "goodbye" to him too, and all at once i realized the horrible truth.
he's dying.
and such a profound rush of depression and realization swept over me. for the past hour i've been thinking about him. how happy he has always been, and his amazing outlook on life.
i am sure he would like everyone to understand that life isn't as serious as you make it. have fun with it! live it to the fullest! go out and act silly! do not give up, most of all, when life becomes difficult.
i wanted to share this story with you so you all can get a new lease on your lives. please, love one another and remember to smile every now and then :-)
all my love to all of you,
elise
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Throughout all of this, she has remained positive, smiling, and optimistic. "I can't have kids now," she told me months ago, "but I'm cancer-free now and it's all over with and life is good." I have never met a brighter spirit, a more inspirational story..
Do you remember Pedro on the Real World who had AIDS? I remember watching him speak to Stanford University, I think it was, about his condition, and all I remember about that speech he gave was when he said, "I am not dying of the HIV/AIDS virus. Until my last breath, I will be living with HIV."
Thank you for the story. It's a good thing to step back and reflect.
Jenna
i've sufferred a lot of loss lately so i know how hard it is to keep smiling.
but with my remaining family and friends i try to be as lighthearted as possible and not be too serious about the little things and the big things in life.
thanks for reminding me to smile.