does anyone want this? i love him so much and the fear still exists that as long as we live he will never totally trust me again. so will someone please take this hurt away that i have caused? i don't deserve his love after what i've done. a year ago, and it still feels like yesterday.
you know i'm not as depressed as i seem to be lately. i do love my life and him and my friends and my family more than ever. and that's just the thing that tortures me. i don't really deserve it all.
love conquers all they say. thank you denekdran. :-)
but will it conquer this in the end? for the moment, it feels like it will.... but certain instances always pop up and the memories for him keep him suspicious about my actions. make him second-guess my motives. and that cuts like a knife. though i deserve nothing more.
"work ourselves, fingers to the bone. suck the marrow, drain my soul. pay your dues and your debts. pay your respects. everybody tells you you pay for what you get. you pay for what you get."
you know i'm not as depressed as i seem to be lately. i do love my life and him and my friends and my family more than ever. and that's just the thing that tortures me. i don't really deserve it all.
love conquers all they say. thank you denekdran. :-)
but will it conquer this in the end? for the moment, it feels like it will.... but certain instances always pop up and the memories for him keep him suspicious about my actions. make him second-guess my motives. and that cuts like a knife. though i deserve nothing more.
"work ourselves, fingers to the bone. suck the marrow, drain my soul. pay your dues and your debts. pay your respects. everybody tells you you pay for what you get. you pay for what you get."
forgiveness is a difficult thing. it took nearly twenty two years for me to forgive myself for being who i am. try to take from life the lessons without judging whether you fell or flew. flying and falling are so very similar, after all..