every morning i wake up and the first thing, no wait the second thing i do is to check if my set went up. i know there are so many beautiful girls here, and i have mixed feelings. i know its an honor to be accepted, and i know im cute enough, but holy crap some of these girls are so drop dead gorgous.... sometimes im afraid that my set actually did go up, and people are just wondering how the hell my ugly mug got in. i know thats stupid because i know im not ugly, but i feel like im im a whole new league here. these are some talented, beautiful, confident women. im sure alot of us have nervousness and self doubt before the debut set. but when i say i have butterflys in my stomach its an understatement.
in other news: there is someone who is making me extremely happy right now, big hugs goes out to him. its nice to have someone make you feel good in this shitty world. thanks, P. and thanks for dealing with all my drama!
on the same note, there is someone who's been involved in my life for the past year and a half, who i have hurt alot recently. G, i am sorry. im doing my best. your friendship means everything to me... i love you. im glad you can see it in your heart to accept me for what i am (90% flawed).
i doubt either one of them even sees this, but it feels good to let it out . thats enough of this sappy shit.
in other news: there is someone who is making me extremely happy right now, big hugs goes out to him. its nice to have someone make you feel good in this shitty world. thanks, P. and thanks for dealing with all my drama!
on the same note, there is someone who's been involved in my life for the past year and a half, who i have hurt alot recently. G, i am sorry. im doing my best. your friendship means everything to me... i love you. im glad you can see it in your heart to accept me for what i am (90% flawed).
i doubt either one of them even sees this, but it feels good to let it out . thats enough of this sappy shit.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Stop beating yourself up. Confidence is the one thing most people lack, and others have too much of.
Try something that you enjoy doing, or try something new. Try something that makes you push yourself to be better or do better than you did.
That sounds stupid.....
Before I started lifting weights almost 2 years ago, I had no self-esteem. I thought i looked like a freak of nature, and I was not at all ok with it. I was suicidal for the better part of 10 years. I still think I look like a freak, but I don't beat myself about it.
Where am I going with this? Lifting weights has helped me to achieve new limits in strength. I have the confidence to know that the 2 extra 10 lb plates I just put on the bar that I am looking up at will challenge me, but I will beat that challenge. And if I don't, I'll have a bar crushing my throat and it'll hurt like hell. When I achieve that new limit, it makes me feel better about myself. I feel like I have tougher skin emotionally because I know it doesn't matter. Whatever happens in life, it's all bull. Nothing matters in my life more than my family, friends, music, and weightlifting.
The reason why I'm blabbing on about this is because setting these goals and pushing these limits have helped me to rise above my "disabilities" and "looks" and gave me the confidence to know that anyone who judges me based on how I look is a complete ass. And that when I'm lifting that extra weight I think of them as a reason to strive higher, to give me confidence. One valueable thing i have learned is that it doesn't matter if anyone believes in you or not. It's whether you believe in yourself or not.
Put all your energy into something that you can push to higher limits, and eventually you'll start to see that the confidence you get from just this ONE thing has spread over into your everyday life. I don't know of any one thing that can really do this besides weightlifting, but I'm a little biased on this.
Some people are born with confidence. We call these people pompous asses and lucky. Others make themselves confident by pushing themselves to be better.. We call these poeple realistic and successful. Others refuse to try and make themselves better and use others to boost their ocnfidence. We call thses people assholes and failures. Which of these will you choose to be?
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"And this concludes this edition of the ABC Thursday Afterschool Special. Tune in next week to experience the drama of Drunken Teachers Teaching Drunken Students!"
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