Okay. It's been a while.
Well, here's why... The lady in the past journals who was getting abused finally found another "Managed Care" apartment. After driving out all my other room-mates. Now I'm stranded...
My sister died on Halloween night from an accidental overdose of medications on the night she learned she might not get back her kids, which, coincidentally, was the aniversary of her first husband's death, with whom she lost her first child.
She had only been remarried 6 weeks, was going back to college, and was planning to get her children back from the State. She'd left them w/ the state when she and her husband (# 3) divorced, because she didn't want them to live on the streets w/ her.
When I got the call, I thought that "You'd better sit down" meant "Your Mother who is terminally ill and has lived a year longer than was diagnosed (we're stubborn like that) has passed".
But no.
It was my sister. Ever the Beauty Queen & scene stealer. It's so like her. LOL!!!!
I am remembering when I was a kid, and would poke my nose over the back yard fence, pestering the neighbors..... "Whaddya doin'? Whattya doin'?"
They only tended to respond when they were bored or blue.
Ain't that life?
Bitter.
Sweet.
I am feeling better though. Just in case you wondered.
I also had a friend commit suicide a week earlier. She tended to get depressed. I would often (just like my sister) cheer her up, until her brutish boyfriend came home, howling @ her fro talking with me. He would (being Big Brother in his family) always overprotect her, and scream when she was down, thinking it would help get her going.
So it's been difficult.
My big kitty is acting out.
I have a thousand cuts.
God Bless America, though, the Blue, White, Red, and Yellow fringe, eh? Yeah.
TTYS>>>>>>>>>>
Well, here's why... The lady in the past journals who was getting abused finally found another "Managed Care" apartment. After driving out all my other room-mates. Now I'm stranded...
My sister died on Halloween night from an accidental overdose of medications on the night she learned she might not get back her kids, which, coincidentally, was the aniversary of her first husband's death, with whom she lost her first child.
She had only been remarried 6 weeks, was going back to college, and was planning to get her children back from the State. She'd left them w/ the state when she and her husband (# 3) divorced, because she didn't want them to live on the streets w/ her.
When I got the call, I thought that "You'd better sit down" meant "Your Mother who is terminally ill and has lived a year longer than was diagnosed (we're stubborn like that) has passed".
But no.
It was my sister. Ever the Beauty Queen & scene stealer. It's so like her. LOL!!!!
I am remembering when I was a kid, and would poke my nose over the back yard fence, pestering the neighbors..... "Whaddya doin'? Whattya doin'?"
They only tended to respond when they were bored or blue.
Ain't that life?
Bitter.
Sweet.
I am feeling better though. Just in case you wondered.
I also had a friend commit suicide a week earlier. She tended to get depressed. I would often (just like my sister) cheer her up, until her brutish boyfriend came home, howling @ her fro talking with me. He would (being Big Brother in his family) always overprotect her, and scream when she was down, thinking it would help get her going.
So it's been difficult.
My big kitty is acting out.
I have a thousand cuts.
God Bless America, though, the Blue, White, Red, and Yellow fringe, eh? Yeah.
TTYS>>>>>>>>>>
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Molestation is caused by fear and insecurity. Abuse is caused by anger and pain. Both rooted in the Limbic system, both expressing a sense of powerlessness.
In an unwell way.
I was doing my shiatsu exercises this morning, the one in which one is face down on the floor in a fetal position, like in mosques, when I "looked' into
my sister's grave. I wondered why her, why her first, even for a second why it wasn't me. Wondered why my Mother has to deal with this now.
I've been wrecked for nearly two weeks. I was fortunate. I had lots of family, and lots of intimacy as a child, so I've never had problems w/ it.
My sister's secrets will be buried with her, largely, but the causes will echo through time, as will the effects.
Alot of people who have tried to force me to make certain personal choices now understand what I've been telling them for years & years. They unfortunately have been forced to gain a new perspective about me, and learned what they have missed, had been spared.
A wise friend of mine said today "If Sin is Need, and you have been sinned against, it is because.....
you are needed."
It's odd that I remain so logical whilst being so emotionally...offbeat.
An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is normal. So I guess I'm not crazy.
Peace, my friends...