An Editorial to Mr. Charles Darwin:
We would just like to say Thank You first of all for the proposition of your theory. The idea that certain species that are better equipped to survive and other that are not die out, is really outstanding. Society in general really took to it. I mean, honestly, there was a TON of evidence to support it and if it weren't for people who were still convinced the world was flat, we would have taught it in schools.
Unfortunately, in light of recent trends we are going to have to disregard your theory.
We have noticed, in general, that society has been on a rampage....A rampage of breeding. These people are not the intelligent well spoken individuals that you would hope would be populating the gene pool. No, it is actually the reverse. Those morons who are actually dumb enough to believe that methods like the girl being on top, rhythm, and pulling out, seem to be the ones who are winning this genetic decathlon. Yes, that is right. We are being bastardized and "oops" right out the intelligence genetic gene pool. You would figure that these sloth like abominations would just end up falling asleep in the street or joining a cult and eventually die. Sadly enough, you highly underestimated human kinds drive to protect ourselves from ourselves.
Things like safety scissors, warnings on...well...just about everything, child proofing, safety gear... in fact anything with the word safety in front of it, and airbags are making it easier and easier for anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, to survive.
We really appreciate you contributing your theory. It was well thought out and incredibly insightful, but lets be honest. We have had a man in the White House for 8 years who has the mental agility of a 6 year old with ADD and Downs. We just had an honest to god Vice Presidential candidate who didn't know Africa was a continent. We have perfectly legitimate options for alternative fuels, yet seem to be content remaining dependent on a poisonous resource that is increasingly hard to come by and slowly running out. WE WARN PEOPLE WHEN THEIR COFFEE IS TO HOT!!!
All of these reasons seem to cast a skeptical eye on your theory. At this time, we are going to have to put it on the shelf and reexamine the state of things. You are more than welcome to revise your previous theory. Maybe something more like, "Natural Selection works, unless 80 million 8th graders with the education of 6th graders and the common sense of 3 toes sloths start pumping out obscene amounts of illegitimate, unsuccessful, McDonald eating and work children, who will just propagate their parents same cycle."
Thanks,
The Society of Earth
We would just like to say Thank You first of all for the proposition of your theory. The idea that certain species that are better equipped to survive and other that are not die out, is really outstanding. Society in general really took to it. I mean, honestly, there was a TON of evidence to support it and if it weren't for people who were still convinced the world was flat, we would have taught it in schools.
Unfortunately, in light of recent trends we are going to have to disregard your theory.
We have noticed, in general, that society has been on a rampage....A rampage of breeding. These people are not the intelligent well spoken individuals that you would hope would be populating the gene pool. No, it is actually the reverse. Those morons who are actually dumb enough to believe that methods like the girl being on top, rhythm, and pulling out, seem to be the ones who are winning this genetic decathlon. Yes, that is right. We are being bastardized and "oops" right out the intelligence genetic gene pool. You would figure that these sloth like abominations would just end up falling asleep in the street or joining a cult and eventually die. Sadly enough, you highly underestimated human kinds drive to protect ourselves from ourselves.
Things like safety scissors, warnings on...well...just about everything, child proofing, safety gear... in fact anything with the word safety in front of it, and airbags are making it easier and easier for anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, to survive.
We really appreciate you contributing your theory. It was well thought out and incredibly insightful, but lets be honest. We have had a man in the White House for 8 years who has the mental agility of a 6 year old with ADD and Downs. We just had an honest to god Vice Presidential candidate who didn't know Africa was a continent. We have perfectly legitimate options for alternative fuels, yet seem to be content remaining dependent on a poisonous resource that is increasingly hard to come by and slowly running out. WE WARN PEOPLE WHEN THEIR COFFEE IS TO HOT!!!
All of these reasons seem to cast a skeptical eye on your theory. At this time, we are going to have to put it on the shelf and reexamine the state of things. You are more than welcome to revise your previous theory. Maybe something more like, "Natural Selection works, unless 80 million 8th graders with the education of 6th graders and the common sense of 3 toes sloths start pumping out obscene amounts of illegitimate, unsuccessful, McDonald eating and work children, who will just propagate their parents same cycle."
Thanks,
The Society of Earth
keely:
yay! I'm glad I got to make you laugh!