Damn, it's been a while. I'm even having trouble figuring shit out on the site. It's been since July of last year I believe. So much to say...
Where to start...
I'll just express what's going on now. Nikki and I broke up on July 4th. That was really hard. I still can't believe it sometimes. It wasn't even because we didn't like each other but because of our poor communication skills. That to me is a sorry reason, but it is so important. And the shitty thing about it is that is making it impossible for us to remain friends. What the fuck is that?
We continued to live together after we broke up mainly because we had just sighned a lease together and neither of us had any place other to go at the time. So for 6 months we had to live together as a broken up couple. That was a life lesson if any. It was hard and yet we manged. In fact at one point Nikki told me she wanted to be together again. That was scary but hopeful to hear. I wasn't ready to do that but maybe at some point. Then she got wasted at a wedding reception and did something stupid which changed my mind. So I decided I was going to move out, and try to pay rent at both places until she could find a roommate. So I found a great apartment back in Akron and moved out on Dec. 1st. No roommate to be found, busting my hump to pay rent at both places but we remain friends and stay close. Things are good and we see each other at a xmas party for work and the vibe is good. Then she sees me with my arms around a girl and flips out. Fueled by alcohol, her personality and the comments of our drama king district manager shit spirals out of control. So that fucked our friendship right up.
So anyways since then it's been impossible to hang out. We talked about the party situation and smoothed things over, but yet it's like getting her to want to spend time with me is not happening. I asked her if she wanted to honestly be friends. Of course! My friendship is soooo important to her. Huh? I don't understand. Then what's the problem? It's just that I have done so much for her. Anything I could to make things little easier for her. I could rattle things off but it doesn't matter. All I'm saying is that all I ask for in return is honest frienship. That's it. But It ain't happening.
So the fucked up thing about all of this is that I am still hurting. I am still really saddened by our situation. I loved this person more than any girlfriend I've had and we can't even be friends. She can't give me the love and reassurance of a good friend. And that produces feelings of resentment and anger and sadness. I can't deal with that shit anymore. Am I trying to hold on to something? I don't have any alterier motives. I don't know anymore. I've just been consumed with these thoughts and questions lately and don't know what to do. Feeling unappreciated and unloved sucks.
I hope you are all well today. Take care, I hope to upate more frequently now.
Where to start...
I'll just express what's going on now. Nikki and I broke up on July 4th. That was really hard. I still can't believe it sometimes. It wasn't even because we didn't like each other but because of our poor communication skills. That to me is a sorry reason, but it is so important. And the shitty thing about it is that is making it impossible for us to remain friends. What the fuck is that?
We continued to live together after we broke up mainly because we had just sighned a lease together and neither of us had any place other to go at the time. So for 6 months we had to live together as a broken up couple. That was a life lesson if any. It was hard and yet we manged. In fact at one point Nikki told me she wanted to be together again. That was scary but hopeful to hear. I wasn't ready to do that but maybe at some point. Then she got wasted at a wedding reception and did something stupid which changed my mind. So I decided I was going to move out, and try to pay rent at both places until she could find a roommate. So I found a great apartment back in Akron and moved out on Dec. 1st. No roommate to be found, busting my hump to pay rent at both places but we remain friends and stay close. Things are good and we see each other at a xmas party for work and the vibe is good. Then she sees me with my arms around a girl and flips out. Fueled by alcohol, her personality and the comments of our drama king district manager shit spirals out of control. So that fucked our friendship right up.
So anyways since then it's been impossible to hang out. We talked about the party situation and smoothed things over, but yet it's like getting her to want to spend time with me is not happening. I asked her if she wanted to honestly be friends. Of course! My friendship is soooo important to her. Huh? I don't understand. Then what's the problem? It's just that I have done so much for her. Anything I could to make things little easier for her. I could rattle things off but it doesn't matter. All I'm saying is that all I ask for in return is honest frienship. That's it. But It ain't happening.
So the fucked up thing about all of this is that I am still hurting. I am still really saddened by our situation. I loved this person more than any girlfriend I've had and we can't even be friends. She can't give me the love and reassurance of a good friend. And that produces feelings of resentment and anger and sadness. I can't deal with that shit anymore. Am I trying to hold on to something? I don't have any alterier motives. I don't know anymore. I've just been consumed with these thoughts and questions lately and don't know what to do. Feeling unappreciated and unloved sucks.
I hope you are all well today. Take care, I hope to upate more frequently now.