Wednesday Nov 15, 2006

0


to disappear entirely

i am not certain i have anything of interest to anyone to say here. lately i just feel as if i want to disappear entirely. when i was a kid, i used to think that if i willed this long enough and with enough conviction that it would happen. alas, one day it will but probably not today. who knows when? a transient trancendance transcending...

i have just been rather uninspired and unimpressed and i grow weary of the human condition with all its confines, foilbles and frailties. what i want to know is this, if love is so awesome and amazing and essential, why are instances of it seemingly so rare? but maybe this isnt the right frame of mind. perhaps to dig deeper or work a little harder is key? that i exsist and continue to do so for now 36 years, must be evidence of some kindness from others. someone has to have fed me and sheltered me when i was an infant so that i could grow to adulthood in some way. someone delivers my mail to me and stocks the grocery shelfs so that i may continue. someone also has carted me to my various travel destinations at various times. is this evidence of love on a mass scale or simple hive effiecency? does the human species have the capacity to love itself?

i admit i waiver about at times. you see gentle reader, i sometimes do want to feel and believe in this thing so often spoke of called "god" but at times it is just too abstract to me to really comprehend. is there any sense or meaning to the endless chaos? this is hard for me to know. it boils down to this for me--on good days i am more open to the idea of a "god", on neutral days i dont care, and on less happy days, i have a difficult time with it. i do have a very difficult time with some peoples idea of "god"--i really cant phathom a jealous or spiteful "god." i want no part of this thinking and feeling. and also here is where i have a problem with religions or institutionalization of a spiritual life. how do you take was is personal and subjective experience and make it palattable to the masses? i think it doesnt work so well. but i can understand it in a way, the only "sense" it seems there is in the chaos is that wich we seem to cobble together on our own for the sake of individual and perhaps collective survival.

in light of recent events, this country maybe can begin to awake from its war with itself called "the war on terrorism." i have honestly never felt so terrorized in my life--so is it a successful war? personally, im tired of the illusions. the unveilings are a tedious process at times but there seems no other way to the truth. something else worthy of consideration is this, recently i was also stopped dead in my tracks in my own practice by a teacher who asked simpley, "what is sacred to you?" this i cannot answer right now but put the question forth nevertheless.

and still i just want to disappear entirely.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
oldgreeneyes:
Love exists. Love IS god. God is love. Love rules. Love is IT. Love is what I hold sacred. I have been loved and not known it. I've loved much and continue to love more. Hopefully, without end. But, I've got to love myself first before I can love anyone. When I love myself, it shows and people are attracted to that. Not so much sexually, or physically, but emotionally. It helps people accept me more, like me more, when I'm accepting as well. Love yourself like no one can. Be good to yourself. Give yourself a break. Don't ever give up on yourself or others. We're all just fragile creatures. Struggling to survive in some respects. You've just got to give love away, freely and with generously. People need loving most when they diserve it the least. Most all of this is stuff you've probably heard before, I know. But I thought I'd just remind you. A way I remind myself is by going to dailythoughts.com or maybe it's dot org and to a few charity sites every day like hungerfighter.org and thehungersite.com and all the links between them. Helping others is a way of loving them. No matter how small the act. And it's a way of loving ourselves too, because we are all in this together. God is in each of us because that is where love is. In each of us. Bring it out today!

peace dear friend! And lots of LOVE.TO YOU AS WELL.
cranstonlamont:
I read a while ago that some anthropologists dug up the bones of an old Neanderthal fellow. The guy was in late middle age and his bones were terribly smashed up and knitted together again, as if he'd suffered some kind of debilitating accident and had then been looked after by someone for many years after he was crippled and useless. The anthropologists deduced from this that these cavemen had developed the ability to care about another person's existence simply for his/her own sake. By developing the capacity for love, they'd evolved into being completely human.

I think love is so awesome and amazing and essential because it is so relatively rare. Most of us, in maybe sixty or seventy years of living, will be lucky if we encounter two or three people whom we will choose to love and be loved by (not counting blood relatives). If it happened to us every day, or even every year, it wouldn't be so special. So don't be too preoccupied with making it happen today or tomorrow.

The scary side of love is that it can coexist in the same soul with the ability to do some pretty awful things. These anonymous "terrorists" we hear about are just as capable as anyone else of feeling and bestowing love; I'm sure of that.

I think that love is a pretty basic and individual thing with nothing collective or abstract about it. I'm not sure how much the concepts of "God" and "Love" have in common. Luckily, I'm a Unitarian and can get away with thinking that.

I guess the thing to remember is that love should be a verb rather than a noun; something to be actively sought out and worked on. There are probably people who are more deserving of it than others; particularly those who take the time to wonder about it and try to understand what it means.

More Blogs