electric

lament and aprehension.

i recieved email from my cousin this morning.
my grandmother has cancer. it is terminal.
i must fly off to the east coast fairly soon.

i was there with her right before the holidays.
i will be returning. it is a grueling trip for me for
several reasons.

from where i live to where my grandmother lives,
considering flight time, airport time, subsequent car
travel time--its an all day (12 hours) affair to make the journey.

im not really a huge fan of flying. i do when i
must, however sitting like a sardine for hours upon
hours--not my idea of fun.

when i was there last, my grandmothers health had
deteroriated so badly that basically all that she does
is watch a lot of televsion. im not a tv fan, but i sat
and watched with her. *sigh*

i sometimes dont sleep well in strange environments
so i was not sleeping so well at her house. additionally,
she was waking up every hour on the hour with
coughing fits and this would cause me to wake with
great concern for her. the grandfather clock
in the living room was bonging every 15 minutes.
i am a somewhat light sleeper so--i got barely any rest there.
at the end of the week i myself was completely
bonkers from the stress and lack of sleep.

i will make the journey again for her. i love her and
these are her last days. however, i am more than
trepidatious about the entire thing.

i feel sadness at her begining her passing as she was
also someone who raised me.

i have some other things on my mind reguarding some
artwork. however, i am curious to know what everyones
response is to this.


i have been listening to the amelie soundtrack a good deal.

e