ele

Oh sweetie, I am very sad for you. Doesn't New Zealand have social services you can take advantage of? In the US we have an organization called WIC (for Women, Infants, and Children) which helps with food and nutritional needs of at-risk women with kids. I always think of New Zealand as being far more progressive with social services than the US, so are there things like WIC, food stamps, second-hand stores, etc. that you can take advantage of? Also in the US, there are non-profit agencies who help those struggling with crippling debt. They negotiate with the credit card companies for you and get them to reduce their interest rates. You can also get what's called a "credit consolidation loan" which pays off all your credit cards and gives you a lower-interest loan with a lower monthly payment.

Another thing I'd recommend is to right now, get a credit card in your own name, to start establishing your own credit. Put your weekly lunches on it and pay it off right away. And ask Luke to remove your name from any credit cards he is using for computers and pub runs. If he gets all defensive and says things like, "Well we're together so our money should be together", you can use the argument that if something were to happen to him (i.e. he dies), it would be protection for you and his daughter not to have the creditors beating down your door. There's no way he can argue with that, so don't even bring up the fact that you don't want his spending habits to be fucking up your credit. And if you do get something like a credit consolidation loan, close out the credit card accounts you had such a big debt on, and after that, make Luke get a credit card in his name only if he wants to keep spending unwisely (because the caveat of these loans is that you have to stop future spending on credit!).

I'm thinking of you with the best of wishes and luck!

I've been there myself - WINZ can be surprisingly good if you need help with anything, especially when you have children.

Just remember, it WILL get better!