I wanted to go somewhere today. I wanted to do *something* I didn't. I sat and played my son's Jimmy Neutron game. Took a bath. Ate left over pizza, the few remaining chip crumbs and a banana. Just the boy and me attempting to entertain eachother.
I can't stop picking at my face. I look like I'm on crank. You know, wonderful sores on my face. I need to be diligent when it comes to my skin care regime. Wash with good soap every day, use astringent and moisturizer, change my pillow case every other night and stop with the dairy. If I can manage to do all of these pain in the ass things I *might* end up with semi-clear skin. I just hate having to put so much thought into it. Also need to stop touching my face. I sleep with my hands on my face. Its oddly comforting.
My house is a disaster. No, really. I have one clean room in my house. The bathroom. I got all ambitious the other day and scrubbed the fuck out of the floor. I swear, there's nothing more soothing than a clean floor. I get all neurotic when I know there's anything between the floor and the baseboards. Attacked it with a scrub brush. I still need to do the kitchen floor. No point in starting it until I can actually clean the kitchen. If I clean the floor first I'll just dirty it up while I clean. It happens every time. Anyway, yeah, the house is scary messy. I'm a horrible housekeeper. It is one of my worst flaws. I've been pretty successful at stopping being so judgemental of other people, including myself. I've gotten so much better at not starting projects I have no intention on finishing (not great, but better). I just can't kick thist habit of leaving shit everywhere. I'm not a dirty person, just messy. Messy messy messy. Mess everywhere. And I'm a pack rat. I form emotional ties with inanimate objects. I really need to just attack this place and get rid of virtually everything.
I have been sick more this last year than I ever have. I get over one illness only to get another. This doesn't help the whole cleaning issue. I'm sure it has to do with the whole not going anywhere thing. I've seen it happen to other people. They don't go anywhere and then they start getting sick all the time. Its happening to me now. I wanted nothing more today than to escape. Instead I was genuinely happy that I found clean underwear.
I have some diagrams to work on and I have my midwife's newsletter to finish up (as best to my ability that is). Its taking far longer than I had hoped. But she hasn't done one in some time, so there's that to take into consideration.
The yoga class isn't starting soon enough. I might just have to find somewhere else to take it. I really need to start moving and getting healthy. I need to burn more calories than I'm taking in. I'm fatter than I've ever been. I don't care necessarily about the whole body image thing as much as I care about the whole health thing. Of course I will say its hard to hang out with beautiful girls when I feel like a yucky blob. I hate eating in front of thin people. It makes me feel horrible about myself. Like they must be thinking "Good lord, maybe if she would quit eating so much she'd lose weight." I don't think I'm eating too much, really. Just not moving enough. I need to just move more. I need to get out of this fucking apartment before it eats me alive.
You know what I want to do? I want to take another shower, put on clean, comfortable clothes and slide into bed, with clean sheets. I want to drift in and out of sleep for the next day or two. Let the world spin outside, I don't care. Just let me sleep.
*******
My son is obsessed with these commercials, so I had to get on the computer and find them for him.
CLICK 1
CLICK 2
I can't stop picking at my face. I look like I'm on crank. You know, wonderful sores on my face. I need to be diligent when it comes to my skin care regime. Wash with good soap every day, use astringent and moisturizer, change my pillow case every other night and stop with the dairy. If I can manage to do all of these pain in the ass things I *might* end up with semi-clear skin. I just hate having to put so much thought into it. Also need to stop touching my face. I sleep with my hands on my face. Its oddly comforting.
My house is a disaster. No, really. I have one clean room in my house. The bathroom. I got all ambitious the other day and scrubbed the fuck out of the floor. I swear, there's nothing more soothing than a clean floor. I get all neurotic when I know there's anything between the floor and the baseboards. Attacked it with a scrub brush. I still need to do the kitchen floor. No point in starting it until I can actually clean the kitchen. If I clean the floor first I'll just dirty it up while I clean. It happens every time. Anyway, yeah, the house is scary messy. I'm a horrible housekeeper. It is one of my worst flaws. I've been pretty successful at stopping being so judgemental of other people, including myself. I've gotten so much better at not starting projects I have no intention on finishing (not great, but better). I just can't kick thist habit of leaving shit everywhere. I'm not a dirty person, just messy. Messy messy messy. Mess everywhere. And I'm a pack rat. I form emotional ties with inanimate objects. I really need to just attack this place and get rid of virtually everything.
I have been sick more this last year than I ever have. I get over one illness only to get another. This doesn't help the whole cleaning issue. I'm sure it has to do with the whole not going anywhere thing. I've seen it happen to other people. They don't go anywhere and then they start getting sick all the time. Its happening to me now. I wanted nothing more today than to escape. Instead I was genuinely happy that I found clean underwear.
I have some diagrams to work on and I have my midwife's newsletter to finish up (as best to my ability that is). Its taking far longer than I had hoped. But she hasn't done one in some time, so there's that to take into consideration.
The yoga class isn't starting soon enough. I might just have to find somewhere else to take it. I really need to start moving and getting healthy. I need to burn more calories than I'm taking in. I'm fatter than I've ever been. I don't care necessarily about the whole body image thing as much as I care about the whole health thing. Of course I will say its hard to hang out with beautiful girls when I feel like a yucky blob. I hate eating in front of thin people. It makes me feel horrible about myself. Like they must be thinking "Good lord, maybe if she would quit eating so much she'd lose weight." I don't think I'm eating too much, really. Just not moving enough. I need to just move more. I need to get out of this fucking apartment before it eats me alive.
You know what I want to do? I want to take another shower, put on clean, comfortable clothes and slide into bed, with clean sheets. I want to drift in and out of sleep for the next day or two. Let the world spin outside, I don't care. Just let me sleep.
*******
My son is obsessed with these commercials, so I had to get on the computer and find them for him.
CLICK 1
CLICK 2
eleven26:
holy crap. are those commercials actually on TV?