same shit. different day.
waking up after having dreampt of your own death. good times, right?
why is it that the same lame excuses given to you (even the obviously lame) are the same ones you tend to use the most often?
'my cat has herpes..'
'i am gonna be busy carpeting my ceiling fan...'
'i would, but i got a benefit to go to so that nelson mandella can be free...'
current situations in my life are probably not any worse then you have already heard me whine and bitch about. i am free of my symptoms from my illness but it is uncertain whether it will return again. sometimes sitting in solitude for awhile makes you think of how much stupid shit is in the world. uncontrolable things. things that seem to be repairable but so immense that its useless. 'let your voice be heard.' pff.... unless you have money or massive amounts of power, that too is a thing that can be damn near impossible.
i had a friend call me yesterday. it would have been nice because i hadn't heard from them in probably months. what seemed to start off as a friendly conversation quickly turned into 'help me out, do this, do that for me...and i will give you nothing in return and more then likely i wont call you until i need something else from you...', it just pissed me off. i honestly wish i would have told them to fuck off but i couldnt do that. instead, i used the ol' 'oh i cant do that, i am busy etching the word non-transferable into my forehead with a spoon' line. oh well....whatever.
i am not sure how many of you know, but i will be moving soon. i am moving into an apartment complex with all kinds of nice shit that i will never use (except for the movie theater). c'mon... do i need a tanning salon?
the apartment is really nice but if i skim over the list of names for people that will actually visit me, i could prolly count them on one hand. no more then ten.
i am getting closer to being 21. which doesnt really mean much to me, to be honest. i dont drink much and when i do smell alcohol all i can relive is puking up goldshlagger. plus, i am annoying when i am drunk.
you know, sometimes i think back over the things i have done and said and i just want to kick myself in the jaw. i wish i were smarter. its like, i should be getting mature and smarter yet i feel like thats not happening.
so anyway... i prolly wont do anything for my birthday. nothing big. just moving. hah.
i think there are a few good things to look forward to in the coming week; fable comes out for x-box (i am lame), since i am feeling better the band will more then likely practice this week, i am probably going to go buy a nice corporate whore suit to wear to work, and finally... little juan burritos.
also....thinking about getting haircut.
oh yeah... one last odd moment/story:
i went to a bar-b-q for one of my cousins and there was a few friends of the family there. one of the girls (whos family is good close friends with our family) was laying some flirtation on me extremely thick. it kinda made me uncomfortable because of how close they are. my mom noticed and now she wont stop saying '______ is a really nice girl...you know, she...blah blah blah blah blah..'
its pretty obvious to a lot of people that i am tired of being alone but i doubt i will capitalize on this situation. for one, it would be really awkward to start anything given the relationship. two, she is 58...i mean 17 (hhaha sorry). and three, there's that other person that you really care about and the hope that something will come of it. hm...then again...you dont always get what you want.
waking up after having dreampt of your own death. good times, right?
why is it that the same lame excuses given to you (even the obviously lame) are the same ones you tend to use the most often?
'my cat has herpes..'
'i am gonna be busy carpeting my ceiling fan...'
'i would, but i got a benefit to go to so that nelson mandella can be free...'
current situations in my life are probably not any worse then you have already heard me whine and bitch about. i am free of my symptoms from my illness but it is uncertain whether it will return again. sometimes sitting in solitude for awhile makes you think of how much stupid shit is in the world. uncontrolable things. things that seem to be repairable but so immense that its useless. 'let your voice be heard.' pff.... unless you have money or massive amounts of power, that too is a thing that can be damn near impossible.
i had a friend call me yesterday. it would have been nice because i hadn't heard from them in probably months. what seemed to start off as a friendly conversation quickly turned into 'help me out, do this, do that for me...and i will give you nothing in return and more then likely i wont call you until i need something else from you...', it just pissed me off. i honestly wish i would have told them to fuck off but i couldnt do that. instead, i used the ol' 'oh i cant do that, i am busy etching the word non-transferable into my forehead with a spoon' line. oh well....whatever.
i am not sure how many of you know, but i will be moving soon. i am moving into an apartment complex with all kinds of nice shit that i will never use (except for the movie theater). c'mon... do i need a tanning salon?
the apartment is really nice but if i skim over the list of names for people that will actually visit me, i could prolly count them on one hand. no more then ten.
i am getting closer to being 21. which doesnt really mean much to me, to be honest. i dont drink much and when i do smell alcohol all i can relive is puking up goldshlagger. plus, i am annoying when i am drunk.
you know, sometimes i think back over the things i have done and said and i just want to kick myself in the jaw. i wish i were smarter. its like, i should be getting mature and smarter yet i feel like thats not happening.
so anyway... i prolly wont do anything for my birthday. nothing big. just moving. hah.
i think there are a few good things to look forward to in the coming week; fable comes out for x-box (i am lame), since i am feeling better the band will more then likely practice this week, i am probably going to go buy a nice corporate whore suit to wear to work, and finally... little juan burritos.
also....thinking about getting haircut.
oh yeah... one last odd moment/story:
i went to a bar-b-q for one of my cousins and there was a few friends of the family there. one of the girls (whos family is good close friends with our family) was laying some flirtation on me extremely thick. it kinda made me uncomfortable because of how close they are. my mom noticed and now she wont stop saying '______ is a really nice girl...you know, she...blah blah blah blah blah..'
its pretty obvious to a lot of people that i am tired of being alone but i doubt i will capitalize on this situation. for one, it would be really awkward to start anything given the relationship. two, she is 58...i mean 17 (hhaha sorry). and three, there's that other person that you really care about and the hope that something will come of it. hm...then again...you dont always get what you want.
i had an infection in my lungs so i was doing nothing but taking meds and sleeping. i didnt even check it out.
but rest assured...i LOVES it.