ASSHOLE APPARENT
I am back to considering my stance on perceptions: "if people think you are an asshole it's just better to be an asshole - act any other way and people become confused and angry."
That arrangement makes things much easier. Easier is the new fad with emotions and feelings I am discovering. I have wrapped myself up for years thinking that my feelings were my own and they only get to come out when appropriate and called for. By me - I get to control the input/output.
Apparently I am an asshole, again to just about everyone. Particularly to the people I have been going to great lengths over the last few weeks to tell them how much they mean to me. That has angered some of them more than anything. It must be awful to have someone have an emotional break down telling you how they feel. It is more than likely very uncomfortable. Actually seeing the emotion take place I imagine is just terrible. But for someone to open up and just unravel everything to you that you already knew or hoped you knew must be very confusing.
The better approach is, I am gathering, just to tell people what they want to hear. Whether it is true or not doesn't seem to matter. Just ask them what they want to hear, tell them and be on your way. Don't bother them with trivialities of their importance in your life, their stature, where you might be without them or how apologetic you might be about anything and everything. Just buy the Hallmark card they have chosen for you to give to them.
This might be a prominent approach to gift giving. Just show someone how much money you are willing to spend and have them grab the item off the shelf and walk you to the register. The trade off from surprise to gratitude must even out I suppose. They got what they wanted. Surprise is overrated if you don't get something you wanted, anyway.
The difficulty comes where what you offer is not enough. When you really dig down deep and give everything you have and it is still is not enough what are you to do? If you give everything you can and it doesn't meet the other person's standard should you really own that guilt? Perhaps the expectations come into question. Excepting more of a person than you know they are able to give is a bold initiative. When that person passes their own expectations and you still demand more - that is borderline insulting.
There really is not a limit on how many people you can care about. It's a boundless enterprise. There is a limit on how much you can give. At a point you cease to be. You become a sieve for whatever anybody can take from you. When that isn't enough they will demand more and never appreciate what you did have to freely offer. Then you are an asshole for trying to retain who you are - the person they wanted in the first place.
I am back to considering my stance on perceptions: "if people think you are an asshole it's just better to be an asshole - act any other way and people become confused and angry."
That arrangement makes things much easier. Easier is the new fad with emotions and feelings I am discovering. I have wrapped myself up for years thinking that my feelings were my own and they only get to come out when appropriate and called for. By me - I get to control the input/output.
Apparently I am an asshole, again to just about everyone. Particularly to the people I have been going to great lengths over the last few weeks to tell them how much they mean to me. That has angered some of them more than anything. It must be awful to have someone have an emotional break down telling you how they feel. It is more than likely very uncomfortable. Actually seeing the emotion take place I imagine is just terrible. But for someone to open up and just unravel everything to you that you already knew or hoped you knew must be very confusing.
The better approach is, I am gathering, just to tell people what they want to hear. Whether it is true or not doesn't seem to matter. Just ask them what they want to hear, tell them and be on your way. Don't bother them with trivialities of their importance in your life, their stature, where you might be without them or how apologetic you might be about anything and everything. Just buy the Hallmark card they have chosen for you to give to them.
This might be a prominent approach to gift giving. Just show someone how much money you are willing to spend and have them grab the item off the shelf and walk you to the register. The trade off from surprise to gratitude must even out I suppose. They got what they wanted. Surprise is overrated if you don't get something you wanted, anyway.
The difficulty comes where what you offer is not enough. When you really dig down deep and give everything you have and it is still is not enough what are you to do? If you give everything you can and it doesn't meet the other person's standard should you really own that guilt? Perhaps the expectations come into question. Excepting more of a person than you know they are able to give is a bold initiative. When that person passes their own expectations and you still demand more - that is borderline insulting.
There really is not a limit on how many people you can care about. It's a boundless enterprise. There is a limit on how much you can give. At a point you cease to be. You become a sieve for whatever anybody can take from you. When that isn't enough they will demand more and never appreciate what you did have to freely offer. Then you are an asshole for trying to retain who you are - the person they wanted in the first place.