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eidolon

chicago, il

Member Since 2003

Followers 20 Following 19

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Thursday Jun 23, 2005

Jun 23, 2005
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Wake up.
Cleanse body.
Dress.
Take pills.
Consider food.
Procure beverage.
Move along.

I've heard that this can be a relatively pain-free process and can, for some, even become routine. Such is not the case in my house. With increasing regularity, I find myself floundering among these pillars of hygene and health.

Recent episodes of pooch screwing include, but are not limited to the following:


-Throwing the day's clothes onto the bed only to realize that there was a person (now) burried beneath them. A very understanding person - especially considering the involvement of shoes.
-Early on, I also forgot to tell the same person (very very understanding) that my alarm clock wouldn't buzz, but instead would play a CD of the theme to 2001. Loudly.
-Refilling the cats' water bowls with Gatorade instead of Brita water.
-Attempting to wash my face with conditioner.
-Attempting to condition my hair with bar soap.
-Getting into a shower set to 100% cold.
-Holding a toothbrush in one hand and deodorant in the other trying to remember which still needed to be addressed.
-Falling asleep in the shower. Standing. That's right.
-Washing my hands with toothpaste.
-Dial on my toothbrush.
-Pomade on my toothbrush.
-Listerine as aftershave. Brown Listerine (tastes terrible, so you know it works - just not as an aftershave).
Throw in a couple of near shaving/sideburn/male topiary disasters and it's amazing they still let me leave the house unsupervised and without a helmet.

All of the calamities listed above are 100% true and accurate to the best of my somwehat hampered recollection. All of them. In most instances tragedy was narrowly averted. Most.

Officially, I'm pro-morning. I voted in favor of continued mornings during the last election. Why mornings continue to put up with my antics is anybody's guess.

'Fess-up.
I wanna hear grandiose tales of morning delirium and subsequent hilarity.
Don't lie, or I'll know.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
darklis:
I've been so good lately, I think my boobs have shrunk. That's what happens to good girls, you know. confused
Jul 8, 2005
kiva:
I hEART yOU!!!!
Jul 9, 2005

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