Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

eidolon

chicago, il

Member Since 2003

Followers 20 Following 19

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Saturday Nov 27, 2004

Nov 27, 2004
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
These days - melancholy, introspection, apathy and a shameful lack of lust.

Apathy, as of late, has had a much bigger hand in my liife than I would like. I'm going out, seeing friends, catching up with some I haven't seen in years, but the machine that goes ping hasn't in a while.

I've had 'Ol' 55' by Tom Waits stuck in my head for a few days.

In other matters of music and soul, I've spent quite a bit of time, recently, playing my Dad's guitars. Legally speaking, I'm a bass player, but he played guitar for the better part of his life and I wound up inherriting his instruments. Music, not only, being our passion and his profession, but the means through which we were able to communicate with eachother through many of those years that father and son experience turbulence. I've always played his instruments from time to time, but lately, they've been in my hands more than they've been in their cases. It has become more and more undeniable to me that they truly have a life of their own. I'm sure that the emotional connection is no small part of what I feel when I play them, but each of these amalgamations of wood, metal, abalone and plastic have a life of their own flowing through them and, as such, are destinied to carry their own melodies, rhythms and emotions. No two can be played in the same way, even within the same brand and model. To one degree or another, I believe that they impact playing nearly as much as the person playing them. I know people who interpret a statement like that to mean that the instrument hasn't been mastered. I even know a luthier (second to none) who strives to make every instrument a blank canvas. Even with his skill, his instruments have their own souls. I own one and can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can feel his talent as a musician and a craftsman in ever blessed inch of that bass. Mastering an instrument or a medium should mean embracing it's spirit, not breaking it.

I feel the same way about cars, too. The mechanics of the vehicle are what they are, and carry their own unique properties, but there's something else at play. It's not merely the difference between an Audi and a Mustang, it's in the way they breathe and carry themselves. Whenever I drive someone else's car, or buy a used one, I feel as though the roads it's driven and the hands that have touched the wheel become part of my experience. I've never gotten that feeling from a new car. Getting into a new car at a dealership is about as emotional an experience as a trip to the eye doctor.

Touch something old that has passed through many hands before yours. Imagine what would flash through your body if you could actually touch the paintings in a museum and feel the brush strokes laid out by those who have been recognized by the worlds of art and history.

I may wind up selling the car I bought a few months back. It's cute and terribly fun, but, among other concerns, the gas mileage hasn't been enough to balance out the overall cost of ownership. Example - A burned out headlight can only be changed by a dealership because the matching bulb is not even sold aftermarket and in order to replace it, a good portion of the front end must be removed. The warranty expires in a couple of months, and I don't believe I'll be able to tend to these matters once it does. Time to bite the bullet and buy something American, which may be a little less fun, but a lot less costly.

Thanksgiving came and went. My family has changed a lot in the last couple of years, and while I'm not sure its for the better, I know it can't be helped. There's a line in 'The Ninth Gate' that sums up my feelings better than I could. It's true without being overly bleak. 'Great families are like empires. Eventually, they too will whither and die.'

The gym has been my salvation as of late. It's been a cornerstone of my life for a few years but has been especially important as of late. Without it, I'd be a terrible combination of physical and spritual knots. Exhausting myself to the point of delirium and halucination is moving me from one day to the next nore than I care to admit.

The flu has been breathing down my neck. Only a matter of time, now.
At least I have plenty of books and a loving bed.

Cheery, I know.

Mose Alison is coming to Chicago soon - next week, I think. Anyone who hasn't heard him should. He'll probably be at one of the older jazz clubs in your city. He's about 80, now and is one of a kind. He sings and plays piano, usually with a drums and bass, and it's just a wonderful experience to see him. He's just an old guy from Mississippi matter-of-factly works through clever, droll and pithy blues and mixes it with the glide of old fashioned aristocracy. For the love of God, the man still wears and ascott from time to time. Go see him. If you get there early enough, or stay late enough, you'll probably be able to buy him a drink and chat for a while - definitely one of the last year's highlights.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
neyrissa:
Thanks for your reply in my journal. It was spot on. I'm dealing with manic depression myself.

It is VERY hard to admit to yourself that you have a mental illness at the age of 21. It's even harder to get family to deal with it.

We're getting there, slowly.

I just can't wait till I start the new meds. I can't go on like this.
Dec 1, 2004
sophie:
hey you! you're here! yay for that. you're a dollface. i am glad you're still here and hopefully it's a good thing in your life right now.
Dec 1, 2004

More Blogs

  • 04.04.07
    4

    Wednesday Apr 04, 2007

    Read More
  • 09.27.06
    7

    Wednesday Sep 27, 2006

    an article. i both enjoy and greatly admire their work. add this man…
  • 05.21.06
    15

    Sunday May 21, 2006

    If you suffer from an aversion to overly-long entries that don't incl…
  • 05.11.06
    8

    Thursday May 11, 2006

    So - The long promised, anticipated and likely lamented update from t…
  • 05.08.06
    7

    Tuesday May 09, 2006

    There's been a real update brewing for some time now. Thing of it is…
  • 11.19.05
    51

    Sunday Nov 20, 2005

    Read More
  • 11.13.05
    3

    Sunday Nov 13, 2005

    Goodbye long-ass update. Life seems to have picked-up speed as of …
  • 10.31.05
    22

    Monday Oct 31, 2005

    Hot Damn! I haven't updated in a long-ass time. On occasion, I have…
  • 10.04.05
    30

    Tuesday Oct 04, 2005

    My life just got a lot less complicated and it's all thanks to Punk-O…
  • 09.29.05
    5

    Thursday Sep 29, 2005

    The second sitting is in the books, and the terrible bastardization o…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
5
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,597 SuicideGirls
  • 1,117,572 followers
  • 14,936,958 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,435,114 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo