Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

egostang

NC

Member Since 2004

Followers 52 Following 22

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Saturday Nov 05, 2005

Nov 5, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I don't know if I will ever be over this. I sent this to a friend, but getting it out made me a feel a little better (and a little worse for having to think about it again) but I thought I would post it here as well because it really says all the thigsn I was not able to say before.

That fact that you even care is good enough for me. That's what real friends do, they care. True friends don't solve your problems, but they listen and really care about what you say.

There is a lot I tried to say to Nate that he did not hear. The reason I went from being so in love to hating him is ultimately that he betrayed my trust and made me believe he was someone who he was not. I thought we were together. I mean everybody thought we were together as far as I knew. I learned though that we were not, even at Deal's Gap, not before that either, we weren't "together". According to Nate we were just "really good friends" and those were his exact words. He said he'd wanted to tell me he loved me and I the same (as we had before when he was in Iraq) but how can you love someone and also tell them that you know that it will never work out so instead of trying, instead of compromising you settle to let that person think you are serious and together when really you're only a glorified fuck buddy. Nate was the only person I ever seriously picutred myself with far into the future.

I'd sworn off marines, but I couldn't resist him. He said that he was a marine and that was why it would never work. I would have tried. Now that I see how things really are I know it could not have worked. But I would not have abandoned someone I "loved" and demoted them to convenient fuck. And then he had the audacity to say that I was the one only physically attracted to him (instead of vice versa), though I was the one who wanted more. I'm just so mad about it all still. He was confused about why I couldn't just stop being in love with him and be friends. How the hell am I supposed to? I can forgive (some) but I can't forget. I can't just overlook the fact that he took all the trust I had in him and threw it away after we had both talked so much about how we had so little trust from our past relationships. I let my guards down, and now I can't even stand the thought of being with someone.

And I know that I am fucked up all on my own. I have my own problems but I don't deny them. I try my best, and I try to improve but it doesn't happen overnight. I'm opinionated and "mean". So fucking yay to loneliness. He has no idea what he has done to me and that is the worst part of all.

Sorry, that was actually a bit more than I intended on typing.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
madb16:
I guess you forgot about us. You were tagged and dont want to share about you???
Nov 20, 2005
madb16:
you alive MEL?????
Dec 1, 2005

More Blogs

  • 03.14.05
    1

    Tuesday Mar 15, 2005

    My sleep cycle is all fucked off. It's 4:50 am. I got up at 7 this mo…
  • 03.13.05
    4

    Sunday Mar 13, 2005

    Me and my friends rode 200 miles on Sunday. It was SO good/ It got in…
  • 03.10.05
    4

    Thursday Mar 10, 2005

    I used to be in a band. I played guitar for awhile and then switched …
  • 03.04.05
    4

    Friday Mar 04, 2005

    Just saw Be Cool. I liked it I like movies with a lot of plot in the…
  • 02.28.05
    1

    Monday Feb 28, 2005

    Spent the night watching movies and hanging out with good friends. Th…
  • 02.28.05
    2

    Monday Feb 28, 2005

    What a shitty fucking life. This is my spring break. It's cold and…
  • 02.25.05
    3

    Friday Feb 25, 2005

    The Mustang finally broke down. Cracked intake manifold, standard Mus…
  • 02.20.05
    3

    Sunday Feb 20, 2005

    Have you ever felt so incredibly alone? No one in the world belogns t…
  • 02.20.05
    0

    Sunday Feb 20, 2005

    Vampires, zombies, werewolves, sex, violence, mystery, pain, pleasure…
  • 02.14.05
    2

    Monday Feb 14, 2005

    Ah, V-Day. Mine was good even though it's raining and my sweetheart i…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
8
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,598 SuicideGirls
  • 1,116,465 followers
  • 14,938,177 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,438,131 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo