eerie4

Once on a few tabs of acid as a teenager I realized how our solar system was so similar to the diagrams of an atom in science class yet the planets circled the sun in a set orbit where as the electrons and neurons seem to circle in any thing but however Ill bet if you sped up the set orbits of our solar system to a billion trillion times a second it would look as if it was erratic thus discovering that every alt reality, every choice that can be made will be made all instantaneously on a blade of grass and if time is indeed infinitive then mathematically it must repeat. Kind of took the magic out of it to think Ive been in this very spot before doing this very thing and every other thing thats possible thus needing to repeat in the infinities of time but still once the trip was over and I still had get up for class on Monday and deal with the jock assholes in gym and all the other trivial crap that consumed my life had not changed, no poof of calm and Zen. I realized it was just another fantasy and was board with it. If it doesnt light up, flash or have a new jamming baseline in it or feel like two huge breasts, Im board with it and even if it does Im still board with it. I mean isnt that really why Im up here in the mountains, cold freezing my balls off walking around because I was board and for some reason that escapes me now I thought Id find something up here that would make me be ok with what I already knew and that is there are no answers. I didnt come here to find them, I came because I had this idea about enlightenment that if I came up here like some spaghetti western style kung-foo flick Id find some old man in a cave or at some mountain top monastery that could make it ok.