WHY WRITE A NOTE?
Do I write a note to explain the reasons No I think people understand as Jung(*1)said everyone is part of the collective unconscious, we've all felt this way before. Do I write a note to try and ensure or reassure guilt or lack there of, who's guilty?... no one but me, my life was mine and mine to take, it's a selfish thing but how is that different than life we are born selfish creatures and attempting to over come this seems futile every good deed, every selfless act all seem to at their core to be in someway selfish. To try and address a note to each person that your close too or hope that some poetic words will come to encompass just one note to all? Why leave a note at all, a legacy? Ha ha ha to try and impart any wisdom I may have surmised? Sure, if it was an original thought but there is nothing original anymore it's all out there somewhere that's life finding it, the struggle for learning, the struggle of creatingthe struggle of life I can not help you with obviously or I wouldn't be writing a note! Life in the physical world trapped in this flesh is a struggle(*2) I've come to find pointless there's always a front to back, a left to right, there's always one or the other there is no middle path(*3) to happiness the world is a power and control issue, there's always a give for every take and to live is to suffer in this struggle. Not to suffer one must simply stop trying not to suffer you must accept life is suffering there will always be something more, you will always get hungry no matter how long you've spent well feed. Even understanding the key to happiness and knowing where to find it doesn't mean you can ever reach it and if you do find it as we all do in moments, there lies the problem its all just moments and the suffering of loosing it, the suffering of wanting to find it what is it?, it is creation to create is happiness if all we truly know of "god" is the word of "god" Then what is the word as there is nothing if you don't have a word for "it" to translate the word god in all languages means the "creator" or simply "creation" so if all we know of god is creation then to get closer to god or understand god one must create! (Which I'll bet has something to do with our innate desire to procreate as well) We must then look at what is created us, the world, everything and what is everything made of atoms and what holds atoms together, how are they created well it's a neurons and electrons bouncing off each other around a nucleus held together by electromagnetism an infinite amount of power or electricity and what am I but just a mass of flesh and tissue with a small eclectic pulse firing in my brian the releases different chemicals to make me think and feel thus acting a certain way. So I guess "god" is in all of us in everything. If you look at Nero-electrical activity in the brain I'll bet the highest amount is generated when a person is in the midst of creating, painting, music, design, even sports So to know gods thoughts, to be closer to god to be happy one must create! An atom, very similar to our solar system (*4) only sped up a trillion time a second Every choice, every alternate reality all happening in a blade of grass every thing that can happen will happen all at this moment in space and time. It's only our experience that makes this, it's only our observation that makes this our reality on a quantum level the observer makes his or her own reality(*5) What to create, how to create we are but reflections of our reality, the minds eye(*6) is merely a mirror with the infinite possibility to reflect the world around it. If my imagination is only a refection of the whole, how do I represent the whole? From an artist perspective the world is made up of shapes, to draw an arm it is merely an oval with other circles and ovals, to paint a table it is a group of squares and rectangles and if the world is made of shapes and those shapes can be measured then the secret to the soul is in math and hell I failed algebra. The "whole" is geometrically represented by a sphere, no one point more important that the other, all parts connected. The mind, my mind a refection of the whole, a refection of a sphere is a circle and there is no perfect circle, a circle is an infinite sided regular polygon (*7). The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter, Pi (*8), is the original transcendental and irrational number as to measure a person is a transcendental and irrational possibility. If this is true, then a square is a crude circle. The square root of 2 embodies a profound principle of the whole being more than the sum of its parts. The fact that the root is irrational expresses the concept that our higher dimensional faculties can't always necessarily be expressed in lower order dimensional terms - e.g. "And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not." (from the Gospel of St. John, Chapter 1, verse 5). Well anyway we are reflections of the whole "the sphere" and what is a refection of a sphear "the circle", it is easy to show that the more sides a regular polygon has, the rounder it becomes. So, if we go to infinite corners, there is still some infinitesimal angle at each of the infinite corners to traverse. If the infinitesimal angle is zero, the circumference of the circle is flat and the figure will not roll on the flat surface, you can not move forward. And, if there is some value to the infinitesimal angle; it can always be again divided and thus no perfect circle. Not being perfect is what causes growth and movement in life, but how to find happiness even just content in Sisyphus dilemma(*9). To come out of Plato's allegory of the cave (*10) only to find your self trapped in Camus myth of Sisyphus is a place I can not escape. How to create, how to reach for god in the burden of life's struggle and suffering, when 2 circles meet and The Vesica Piscis (*11) is formed by the intersection of two circles or spheres whose centers exactly touch. This symbolic intersection represents the "common ground", "shared vision" or "mutual understanding" between equal individuals. The shape of the human eye itself is a Vesica Piscis. The spiritual significance of "seeing eye to eye" to the "mirror of the soul" opening of your "third eye", the ratio of the axes of the form (the eye) is the square root of 3. What is significance of three? Three is creation. One, 1 is the ultimate number as one you are Nietzsche's uberman(*12) or the potentiality for such but how to reach this superman, creation! In kabbalah (*13) a complex number system, one is father/divine father, two is first born and three is mother or divine creation. How to reach three, how to open my third eye? To find this connection, this common ground with another seems to elude me but if you can not find this connection with just one person how can one hope to find this connection with the whole? I do understand that the important connection is not merely with one but humanity as a whole a person must know the connection with just one other person and over come self if there is any hopes of reaching it with humanity. To be in love, to achieve the super ego (*14), to over come our own nature to put another person in front of your self and find joy in their happiness over your own suffering. Compassion is the key to elevating suffering. Once understanding this compassion for another you can hope to achieve this for humanity as the whole. Yet this is only the fourth chakra (*15) there are still others to balance before the eye can open and the kundalini (*16)can be released to make this connection with another is merely getting your feet wet, only entering the stream (Sotapanna)(*17) and many times I have found my self washed back a shore, I can't seem to cross. In Sufism (*18) there is a parable of 2 men walking down the road in late evening and come across a mystic standing in the middle of the road with his arm out stretch to the sky. One man gets scared and thinks he is dealing with a mad man and pulls out some rope from his bag and asks the other if they should just tie him up to ensure safe passage. The other tells him no that they should sit and talk with the mystic and simply camp there for the night. Since there are two of them the scared man agrees they sit and tell the mystic of the conversation they had just had about what to do and he tells them that attempting to lead a person to enlightenment is as futile as taking that rope and trying to climb to the heavens. Neither man understands what the mystic meant but you realize that the scared man simply saw a crazy person standing in the road with his arm out stretch where as the other man wasn't even looking at the mystic but was looking at the beauty of the night sky that the mystic was pointing too. Maybe I am the scared man, my fear binds me and it is futile to seek anything more than suffering. It seems I can not break free of the reality I have put my self in, sometimes I feel like my third eye must have some form of spiritual cataracts, I have scar my self with experiences that I can't seem to see through. The more I want, the more I become emotionally distant from my self; the intellect not only separates the body from the mind but the soul from the spirit. I've tried to over come these scares, they say the Buddha didn't achieve enlightenment till 35 and so many artist (Cobian, Morrison ect.) have killed them self at 27 (*19) along with Saturn's return (*20) and I'm 30. There is nothing merely socio-cultural about the pain of turning thirty. Astrologers have known for many centuries that it takes 29.5 years for the planet Saturn to make its orbit around the sun. That's why this crisis is called the "Saturn Return". When Saturn moves back to the place it was the moment you were first born, you are metaphorically reborn, but not before you are put through a series of tests. Choose your metaphor - meat grinder, crucible, tornado - anyone approaching their thirtieth birthday is already in the process of transforming, if they know it or not. And most of us don't jump up to shake Saturn's hand, trying to survive the most tumultuous transition of my life. I used to think that Astrology and the movement of the planets was hokey and just an attempt for a time and people who simply didn't have explanation to try and find them, but I've come to see that if a small solar body as the moon can cause the shift in a massive body of water as the oceans with the changing of tides and I'm made up of cells consisting of 65-90% water by weight then I'm sure the planets can effect those chemicals that flow in my head. I've tried all I can think of, I've done mass amounts of hallucagens to try and jolt me into a state of understanding to force open "the DOOR'S to perception" (*21), like a rope trying to pull me across the stream but only to give out before I could make it to the other side. Like Bill Hicks (*22) said a lot of the greatest musician, and artist, creators "we're real high". I've given up and spent year's not even trying, wasting time trying to only find comfort, most of it just spent addicted to one thing or another I've over come addictions, tried to live a healthy life, work out, eat right all that but how did Palahniuk (*23) put it "self improvement is masturbation but self destruction is the answer'" but I've found no answer, no key in either. I once spent a summer attending different religious organization each week from Buddhist temple to Baptist church, from Orthodox Christian to Thelemic lodge all centers of town Kabbalah to Zen, so much over lap, so many things the same. I guess it was a spiritual walk about if you will but finding no answers. I saw my father commit suicide as a lonely, sick old man alone in the desert. I wonder to what end his life achieved; I evaluate my own existence and see no point in waiting. The search for answers to the point has come full circle, "the man who knows he knows nothing knows the most of all" To understand the absurdist was an idea put forth in the beginning of the philosophic quest. I have reached this end not from a Nihilistic (*24) point of view because miseries vastly outnumber pleasures, happiness is impossible, and thus subsequently advocating suicide, but from understanding that there is more and trapped here I can not reach it. I reach this end not because I believe in any one philosophy, religion or understanding that I have put to you in this note but because I have lost the path or understand that the path is lost and with out finding a path or simply picking one I'm destine to jump from path to path never getting anywhere only going over in circles. Compassion eludes me, creating eludes me, I have been sucked in to an "Existential vacuum" (*25) in my search for meaning, that this is the only escape.
Now please don't take it strictly in the context it was written as in all honesty it did come from that place but only in a catharsis sort of way.anyway I know its a lot to read and jumps around a bit but tell me what you think, I'd love to hear your feed back.
*1 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Jung)
*2 (http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html)
*3 (http://www.buddhanet.net/cbp2_f4.htm)
*4 (http://www.school-for-champions.com/science/solaratoms.htm)
*5 (http://www.colorado.edu/philosophy/vstenger/void.html)
*6 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind%27s_eye)
*7 (http://mathworld.wolfram.com/RegularPolygon.html)
*8 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi)
*9 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Sisyphus)
*10 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_cave)
*11 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vesica_piscis)
*12 (http://www.stanford.edu/~pj97/Nietzsche.htm)
*13 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabbalah)
*14 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego,_super-ego,_and_id)
*15 (http://www.sacredcenters.com/chakras.html)
*16 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kundalini)
*17 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sotapanna)
*18 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufism)
*19 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club)
*20 (http://www.saturnreturn.net/what_is.html)
*21 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doors_of_Perception)
*22 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J10w3FuCwfQ)
*23 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Palahniuk)
*24 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism)
*25 (http://www.monkeyrivertown.com/brains.php?ART=192)
Do I write a note to explain the reasons No I think people understand as Jung(*1)said everyone is part of the collective unconscious, we've all felt this way before. Do I write a note to try and ensure or reassure guilt or lack there of, who's guilty?... no one but me, my life was mine and mine to take, it's a selfish thing but how is that different than life we are born selfish creatures and attempting to over come this seems futile every good deed, every selfless act all seem to at their core to be in someway selfish. To try and address a note to each person that your close too or hope that some poetic words will come to encompass just one note to all? Why leave a note at all, a legacy? Ha ha ha to try and impart any wisdom I may have surmised? Sure, if it was an original thought but there is nothing original anymore it's all out there somewhere that's life finding it, the struggle for learning, the struggle of creatingthe struggle of life I can not help you with obviously or I wouldn't be writing a note! Life in the physical world trapped in this flesh is a struggle(*2) I've come to find pointless there's always a front to back, a left to right, there's always one or the other there is no middle path(*3) to happiness the world is a power and control issue, there's always a give for every take and to live is to suffer in this struggle. Not to suffer one must simply stop trying not to suffer you must accept life is suffering there will always be something more, you will always get hungry no matter how long you've spent well feed. Even understanding the key to happiness and knowing where to find it doesn't mean you can ever reach it and if you do find it as we all do in moments, there lies the problem its all just moments and the suffering of loosing it, the suffering of wanting to find it what is it?, it is creation to create is happiness if all we truly know of "god" is the word of "god" Then what is the word as there is nothing if you don't have a word for "it" to translate the word god in all languages means the "creator" or simply "creation" so if all we know of god is creation then to get closer to god or understand god one must create! (Which I'll bet has something to do with our innate desire to procreate as well) We must then look at what is created us, the world, everything and what is everything made of atoms and what holds atoms together, how are they created well it's a neurons and electrons bouncing off each other around a nucleus held together by electromagnetism an infinite amount of power or electricity and what am I but just a mass of flesh and tissue with a small eclectic pulse firing in my brian the releases different chemicals to make me think and feel thus acting a certain way. So I guess "god" is in all of us in everything. If you look at Nero-electrical activity in the brain I'll bet the highest amount is generated when a person is in the midst of creating, painting, music, design, even sports So to know gods thoughts, to be closer to god to be happy one must create! An atom, very similar to our solar system (*4) only sped up a trillion time a second Every choice, every alternate reality all happening in a blade of grass every thing that can happen will happen all at this moment in space and time. It's only our experience that makes this, it's only our observation that makes this our reality on a quantum level the observer makes his or her own reality(*5) What to create, how to create we are but reflections of our reality, the minds eye(*6) is merely a mirror with the infinite possibility to reflect the world around it. If my imagination is only a refection of the whole, how do I represent the whole? From an artist perspective the world is made up of shapes, to draw an arm it is merely an oval with other circles and ovals, to paint a table it is a group of squares and rectangles and if the world is made of shapes and those shapes can be measured then the secret to the soul is in math and hell I failed algebra. The "whole" is geometrically represented by a sphere, no one point more important that the other, all parts connected. The mind, my mind a refection of the whole, a refection of a sphere is a circle and there is no perfect circle, a circle is an infinite sided regular polygon (*7). The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter, Pi (*8), is the original transcendental and irrational number as to measure a person is a transcendental and irrational possibility. If this is true, then a square is a crude circle. The square root of 2 embodies a profound principle of the whole being more than the sum of its parts. The fact that the root is irrational expresses the concept that our higher dimensional faculties can't always necessarily be expressed in lower order dimensional terms - e.g. "And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not." (from the Gospel of St. John, Chapter 1, verse 5). Well anyway we are reflections of the whole "the sphere" and what is a refection of a sphear "the circle", it is easy to show that the more sides a regular polygon has, the rounder it becomes. So, if we go to infinite corners, there is still some infinitesimal angle at each of the infinite corners to traverse. If the infinitesimal angle is zero, the circumference of the circle is flat and the figure will not roll on the flat surface, you can not move forward. And, if there is some value to the infinitesimal angle; it can always be again divided and thus no perfect circle. Not being perfect is what causes growth and movement in life, but how to find happiness even just content in Sisyphus dilemma(*9). To come out of Plato's allegory of the cave (*10) only to find your self trapped in Camus myth of Sisyphus is a place I can not escape. How to create, how to reach for god in the burden of life's struggle and suffering, when 2 circles meet and The Vesica Piscis (*11) is formed by the intersection of two circles or spheres whose centers exactly touch. This symbolic intersection represents the "common ground", "shared vision" or "mutual understanding" between equal individuals. The shape of the human eye itself is a Vesica Piscis. The spiritual significance of "seeing eye to eye" to the "mirror of the soul" opening of your "third eye", the ratio of the axes of the form (the eye) is the square root of 3. What is significance of three? Three is creation. One, 1 is the ultimate number as one you are Nietzsche's uberman(*12) or the potentiality for such but how to reach this superman, creation! In kabbalah (*13) a complex number system, one is father/divine father, two is first born and three is mother or divine creation. How to reach three, how to open my third eye? To find this connection, this common ground with another seems to elude me but if you can not find this connection with just one person how can one hope to find this connection with the whole? I do understand that the important connection is not merely with one but humanity as a whole a person must know the connection with just one other person and over come self if there is any hopes of reaching it with humanity. To be in love, to achieve the super ego (*14), to over come our own nature to put another person in front of your self and find joy in their happiness over your own suffering. Compassion is the key to elevating suffering. Once understanding this compassion for another you can hope to achieve this for humanity as the whole. Yet this is only the fourth chakra (*15) there are still others to balance before the eye can open and the kundalini (*16)can be released to make this connection with another is merely getting your feet wet, only entering the stream (Sotapanna)(*17) and many times I have found my self washed back a shore, I can't seem to cross. In Sufism (*18) there is a parable of 2 men walking down the road in late evening and come across a mystic standing in the middle of the road with his arm out stretch to the sky. One man gets scared and thinks he is dealing with a mad man and pulls out some rope from his bag and asks the other if they should just tie him up to ensure safe passage. The other tells him no that they should sit and talk with the mystic and simply camp there for the night. Since there are two of them the scared man agrees they sit and tell the mystic of the conversation they had just had about what to do and he tells them that attempting to lead a person to enlightenment is as futile as taking that rope and trying to climb to the heavens. Neither man understands what the mystic meant but you realize that the scared man simply saw a crazy person standing in the road with his arm out stretch where as the other man wasn't even looking at the mystic but was looking at the beauty of the night sky that the mystic was pointing too. Maybe I am the scared man, my fear binds me and it is futile to seek anything more than suffering. It seems I can not break free of the reality I have put my self in, sometimes I feel like my third eye must have some form of spiritual cataracts, I have scar my self with experiences that I can't seem to see through. The more I want, the more I become emotionally distant from my self; the intellect not only separates the body from the mind but the soul from the spirit. I've tried to over come these scares, they say the Buddha didn't achieve enlightenment till 35 and so many artist (Cobian, Morrison ect.) have killed them self at 27 (*19) along with Saturn's return (*20) and I'm 30. There is nothing merely socio-cultural about the pain of turning thirty. Astrologers have known for many centuries that it takes 29.5 years for the planet Saturn to make its orbit around the sun. That's why this crisis is called the "Saturn Return". When Saturn moves back to the place it was the moment you were first born, you are metaphorically reborn, but not before you are put through a series of tests. Choose your metaphor - meat grinder, crucible, tornado - anyone approaching their thirtieth birthday is already in the process of transforming, if they know it or not. And most of us don't jump up to shake Saturn's hand, trying to survive the most tumultuous transition of my life. I used to think that Astrology and the movement of the planets was hokey and just an attempt for a time and people who simply didn't have explanation to try and find them, but I've come to see that if a small solar body as the moon can cause the shift in a massive body of water as the oceans with the changing of tides and I'm made up of cells consisting of 65-90% water by weight then I'm sure the planets can effect those chemicals that flow in my head. I've tried all I can think of, I've done mass amounts of hallucagens to try and jolt me into a state of understanding to force open "the DOOR'S to perception" (*21), like a rope trying to pull me across the stream but only to give out before I could make it to the other side. Like Bill Hicks (*22) said a lot of the greatest musician, and artist, creators "we're real high". I've given up and spent year's not even trying, wasting time trying to only find comfort, most of it just spent addicted to one thing or another I've over come addictions, tried to live a healthy life, work out, eat right all that but how did Palahniuk (*23) put it "self improvement is masturbation but self destruction is the answer'" but I've found no answer, no key in either. I once spent a summer attending different religious organization each week from Buddhist temple to Baptist church, from Orthodox Christian to Thelemic lodge all centers of town Kabbalah to Zen, so much over lap, so many things the same. I guess it was a spiritual walk about if you will but finding no answers. I saw my father commit suicide as a lonely, sick old man alone in the desert. I wonder to what end his life achieved; I evaluate my own existence and see no point in waiting. The search for answers to the point has come full circle, "the man who knows he knows nothing knows the most of all" To understand the absurdist was an idea put forth in the beginning of the philosophic quest. I have reached this end not from a Nihilistic (*24) point of view because miseries vastly outnumber pleasures, happiness is impossible, and thus subsequently advocating suicide, but from understanding that there is more and trapped here I can not reach it. I reach this end not because I believe in any one philosophy, religion or understanding that I have put to you in this note but because I have lost the path or understand that the path is lost and with out finding a path or simply picking one I'm destine to jump from path to path never getting anywhere only going over in circles. Compassion eludes me, creating eludes me, I have been sucked in to an "Existential vacuum" (*25) in my search for meaning, that this is the only escape.
Now please don't take it strictly in the context it was written as in all honesty it did come from that place but only in a catharsis sort of way.anyway I know its a lot to read and jumps around a bit but tell me what you think, I'd love to hear your feed back.
*1 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Jung)
*2 (http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html)
*3 (http://www.buddhanet.net/cbp2_f4.htm)
*4 (http://www.school-for-champions.com/science/solaratoms.htm)
*5 (http://www.colorado.edu/philosophy/vstenger/void.html)
*6 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind%27s_eye)
*7 (http://mathworld.wolfram.com/RegularPolygon.html)
*8 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi)
*9 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Sisyphus)
*10 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_cave)
*11 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vesica_piscis)
*12 (http://www.stanford.edu/~pj97/Nietzsche.htm)
*13 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabbalah)
*14 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego,_super-ego,_and_id)
*15 (http://www.sacredcenters.com/chakras.html)
*16 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kundalini)
*17 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sotapanna)
*18 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufism)
*19 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club)
*20 (http://www.saturnreturn.net/what_is.html)
*21 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doors_of_Perception)
*22 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J10w3FuCwfQ)
*23 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Palahniuk)
*24 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism)
*25 (http://www.monkeyrivertown.com/brains.php?ART=192)
babysnakes:
ok I'm confused and kinda sad. 