Tonight is the beginning of the NFL season, and my Steelers are playing. Love it or hate it football is ingrained into the American way of life. It is probably the one thing that I have left in common with my dad.
My relationship with my dad has changed over the years. When I was younger I always thought that we had a good relationship. He always tried to do the dad thing. He took us camping, went sledding with us, and other stuff. As time went on though I noticed though that while my dad was always home, he was always out in his shop or taking a nap, or reading in his den. He never really spent any time with his kids.
It really started becoming apparent when I went into the military. Any time that I would call home if he answered the phone he would immediately pass me over to my mom. I don't think I talked to a total of an hour on the phone during my seven years in the military. When I was home on leave for Thanksgiving or Christmas while the rest of the family was laughing and playing games in the living room, my dad was normally in another room watching tv. When he did talk to me it was to retell the same stories he has been telling since I was three or to preach to me about how I need to get back into church. Even after I got out of the military nothing changed, until my mom died. Suddenly my dad wants me to call him every single week, but he doesn't have anything but his stories and preaching to say to me.
Before the next part of the story I should clarify something. I hate owing people money. It doesn't matter if it is $1 or $500. I pay my debts off as quickly as possible. This goes doubly so for my parents. To date I have borrowed $8543 dollars from them and every cent has been repaid.
In December of 2004 I was trying to sell my house. In order to do so I consolidated an equity loan that I had into my mortgage. In the process of doing that my lender wanted to see some money in my bank account (I have never understood this, because if I had money in my bank account I wouldn't be borrowing money...but that is another story.). So I went to my dad and asked if I could borrow the money from him, since he constantly had told me that if I needed to ever borrow money to ask him.
After the new loan went through I asked him if I could hang onto the money to use it to fix up a couple of things around my place before selling it, and I told him that I would pay him back once I got my tax return back in the spring. Little did I know that this would turn into him calling me every single day wanting to know when I was going to pay him back. I repeatedly told him that I would pay him back as soon as I got the money.
Then came the last week of December. My dad once again called me and went into his normal questioning as to when I was going to pay him back. On this day though he changed the conversation. It went something like this.
"Darren, do you have life insurance?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Well, I just want to make sure that I will get my money back in case you die."
(insert stunned silence on my side of the phone)
"Excuse me?"
"Well if you die I just want to make sure that I get paid back."
"Sorry dad, I have to go."
Unfortunately this is not a made up conversation. My dad was more concerned with getting back $5000, than the possibility me being dead. I didn't speak to him again until the day I called him to tell him that I had deposited the money back into his account. Since then I only call him once a month and as soon as he starts in on money, politics, religion, or me coming home I typically find an excuse to hang up the phone.
Why am I posting this? No clue. Call it therapy, call it venting, call it lashing out I don't know. It has just been weighing on my mind lately.
My relationship with my dad has changed over the years. When I was younger I always thought that we had a good relationship. He always tried to do the dad thing. He took us camping, went sledding with us, and other stuff. As time went on though I noticed though that while my dad was always home, he was always out in his shop or taking a nap, or reading in his den. He never really spent any time with his kids.
It really started becoming apparent when I went into the military. Any time that I would call home if he answered the phone he would immediately pass me over to my mom. I don't think I talked to a total of an hour on the phone during my seven years in the military. When I was home on leave for Thanksgiving or Christmas while the rest of the family was laughing and playing games in the living room, my dad was normally in another room watching tv. When he did talk to me it was to retell the same stories he has been telling since I was three or to preach to me about how I need to get back into church. Even after I got out of the military nothing changed, until my mom died. Suddenly my dad wants me to call him every single week, but he doesn't have anything but his stories and preaching to say to me.
Before the next part of the story I should clarify something. I hate owing people money. It doesn't matter if it is $1 or $500. I pay my debts off as quickly as possible. This goes doubly so for my parents. To date I have borrowed $8543 dollars from them and every cent has been repaid.
In December of 2004 I was trying to sell my house. In order to do so I consolidated an equity loan that I had into my mortgage. In the process of doing that my lender wanted to see some money in my bank account (I have never understood this, because if I had money in my bank account I wouldn't be borrowing money...but that is another story.). So I went to my dad and asked if I could borrow the money from him, since he constantly had told me that if I needed to ever borrow money to ask him.
After the new loan went through I asked him if I could hang onto the money to use it to fix up a couple of things around my place before selling it, and I told him that I would pay him back once I got my tax return back in the spring. Little did I know that this would turn into him calling me every single day wanting to know when I was going to pay him back. I repeatedly told him that I would pay him back as soon as I got the money.
Then came the last week of December. My dad once again called me and went into his normal questioning as to when I was going to pay him back. On this day though he changed the conversation. It went something like this.
"Darren, do you have life insurance?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Well, I just want to make sure that I will get my money back in case you die."
(insert stunned silence on my side of the phone)
"Excuse me?"
"Well if you die I just want to make sure that I get paid back."
"Sorry dad, I have to go."
Unfortunately this is not a made up conversation. My dad was more concerned with getting back $5000, than the possibility me being dead. I didn't speak to him again until the day I called him to tell him that I had deposited the money back into his account. Since then I only call him once a month and as soon as he starts in on money, politics, religion, or me coming home I typically find an excuse to hang up the phone.
Why am I posting this? No clue. Call it therapy, call it venting, call it lashing out I don't know. It has just been weighing on my mind lately.
it prompted me to think about my dad. i'm very lucky-- i'm actually a lot closer to him than i am with my mom. my mom is nice and all, but when it comes to emotional support, my dad is where it's at.