edwin

I feel like such an outcast. I don't think anyone's ever understood me. My whole life I've never been part of the crowd, never fit in. You often hear cliches like "everyone is an individual" or "everyone is different". I believe those things, I really do but I'm still on the outside looking in when many other people are enjoying life together... or so it seems.

I went to the art street festival thing going on in my neighborhood today. I walked around for a while, browsed the people and the stands. There were hints of patcholi(sp?) in the air. There were young people, old people, people with their dogs, artists, musicians, community activists, and a fair amount of free spirits. I walked up and down like a ghost. It seemed as though no one saw me and I was spying on all of them. I didn't really see anyone I knew as there were many people from other neighborhoods, the suburbs even. I was looking at everything and everyone but seeing nothing and no one. Finally my eyes locked with another person. He was wearing a Red Sox shirt. I was wearing a Yankees shirt. No wonder he found me. We locked eyes and he smirked at me. They may have won last year, but I still get the smirk... hehehe.

The skies became ominous. The winds began to gust. No one really had reason to panic, the rain was still a short while away. You could finish shopping, complete your lap around the festival or make those plans with the person you bumped into for the first time in ages. In a selfish way I hoped for rain. I thought about how refreshing it would feel. I thought about how it would put me more at ease. But then I thought of all the merchants, including my friends' wife who were trying to make some cash here. Okay nice Eddie, you win. I hoped it would rain later.

After making my way around a few times and tolerating people stopping on a dime right in front of me for as long as I could, I decided to depart this place. I can't say if it was a good time or bad, it just was. It was getting near 5, and I still had other things to do today anyway even though the festival went to 6. (By the way, the rain finally came right around 6, so the vendors did get to sell their wares til the scheduled end of the day.)

I was on my way home and I approached a corner. An SUV was coming to a stop with a few guys in it. They were staring at me. I thought alright, what idiotic thing are they going to do. They said something to each other and began to bang their heads in the air and they gave me the rock and roll finger thing with the pinky and index fingers extended. Look at me for christsakes (I'm up and to the left). Do I look like some metal dude with my sweet, charming innocent look and wearing a New York Yankees t-shirt, cargo shorts, and Nikes? What's wrong with people?

I covered this in previous journals but part of the reason I'm a bit of a recluse is due to my sensitivity. I can be razzed by friends, no problem, but when strangers do it I get a little bit angry, sometimes a lotta bit angry. Why can't people leave other people they don't know alone? That's my whole life in a nutshell... strange people always messing with me. I keep to myself, I never give anyone dirty looks. I'm generally a nice person. I would never do anything mean to anyone else because I wouldn't want anything mean done to me.

I've always been attracted to vigilantism. I've always been attracted to super heroes. Since I don't really believe in judgment after death, it's all the faith I got. At least until I do something one day. Yeah that's what I'll do tonight... I'm gonna make a cape & mask. Maybe one of these days someone will be wronging you and out I'll come. I'll tell them why what they are doing to you is wrong and then slap them across the face with a fish or something.