A Lie for a Lie (taken from my facebook)
A few days ago I asked the question Is it okay to lie to someone who had just lied to you? Earlier that afternoon I ran into a guy who lied to me and I in turn lied to him right back. Afterwards I felt ridiculous. There was no need for me to lie back to the guy but I was startled and put on the spot. Do this ever happen to you when you are surprised? Sometimes when I am encountered in such a surprising manner my mind goes into overdrive trying to calculate everything that has suddenly and unexpectedly occurred. When this happens to me I will sometimes lose the use of a few of my filters. You know the filters, right? I have a filter that stops me from swearing in public. I have a filter that stops me from revealing anything important about myself to strangers. I have a filter that controls my emotions. Theres a lot more. I think you get the idea.
I was walking down the block from my work on a direct route to lunch when this guy drove up alongside me in a white muscle car. He starting talking quickly at me, my mind was overwhelmed. At first I couldnt hear him because he was speaking so rapidly and I was too far away but I moved a bit closer, albeit suspiciously so. On one hand I wanted to hear what he was saying. Perhaps he wanted directions or had some other question I could have helped him with. I certainly dont mind giving someone directions or helping someone out when possible. On the other hand I am extremely distrusting of guys who roll up on me in man cars and start talking and talking and talking.
He got about 30 seconds into his rap and I figured out where it was going. It was a means to an end. The end is he wanted money. The means is hes telling me some emotional sob story about how he had a big fight with his girlfriend and that she took his car, meanwhile Im scratching my head wondering what or whose car he was driving if she took his. Meanwhile, the car hes using has like no gas in it. Im rapidly trying to size him up throughout his monologue to see first if he is any kind of threat and then secondly Im trying to ascertain whether or not he was being honest with me.
There was something about this guy I didnt like. From his loud, fast, reckless tone to his overdoing it telling me this story and laying it on thick in order to get cash from ME of all people who is WALKING down the street, wearing dirty work clothes, in a rundown neighborhood while hes rolling up on me in a nice car. After taking in his jive for more than a minute there seemed to be no end to his trying to convince me of his hardship and no end to his mission to procure sympathy as well as dollars from me. He was going for big bucks. This wasnt a guy who wanted whatever change that was in my pocket. He just kept rambling on and on and on. By now I had decided I wasnt going to give him any money and I also believed he was making all this up trying to put the con on me. I got the feeling he was looking for $5 -$10 at least and I was looking to walk away.
The last thing I remember him saying was that he had no gas left in the car and that all his ID and money was in his car that his girlfriend had. After that I couldnt hear him anymore as I was now deep into my own little game. The game was similar to musical chairs. You are moving around the chairs and you are waiting for that precise moment when the music stops. When it does, look out! You are going to dive in there and try to claim that chair. If your butt is on the plastic or wood you win for that round. If your butt is on someones lap, youve lost and you have to deal with the awkwardness and the indignity of having someone shove you off their lap. I was waiting for the silence so I could pounce. All I wanted was a quiet moment so I could chime in and get out of there. Its an interesting dynamic in that I am listening very closely waiting for the pause but despite listening so closely I was no longer hearing anything he said.
When he finally stopped to take a breath I took advantage of the opportunity. I mentioned to him that I was sorry but I barely had enough money to cover my lunch. He gave me this angry and disappointed sigh. It was if he was upset he wasted a few minutes telling me this whole story. That look on his face and his body language annoyed me. He wanted something for nothing. You cant be disappointed when you are trying to get something for free and found only nothing. He didnt lose anything. I was annoyed because he took up a few minutes of my 30 minute lunch with 10 minutes of that 30 already tied up in travel time to and from the pizza place. So he did what a guy like him in a car like that would do after the disappointment. He hit that accelerator and probably burned most of the gas he had left, if he really did in fact have so little.
My first thought after I finished my walk was how crappy his pitch was. He was trying to get real money from me and he asked me in a crazed almost belligerent manner. Whatever happened to asking nicely? I wondered if he was on something, or more likely freshly off something and he didnt have any more of said something.
After I returned to my desk, ate my slice and washed it down with some water I started to feel bad. I didnt feel bad because I didnt help this guy. I felt bad because I lied to him. Why did I do that? Im generally a pretty honest person, especially around the people I know and have a shred of care about, but when it comes to strangers I can be disarmed and not myself. They can scare me and intimidate me. My mind is sent spinning trying to calculate this and that and while that can be fun sometimes when meeting someone interesting or attractive, it can also be distressing when meeting someone darkly mysterious or threatening and some anxious moments for me can occur.
Thats my only excuse for saying what I said. This guy was strange to me and I didnt trust him or his motives. I didnt want to reveal much of anything about me, even the truth. I know its not a valid reason. I could have told him no straight up but maybe he would have reacted abusively. I mean he might have said something derogatory or mean spirited to me. Its happened to me before. You might be thinking so what if he does. Well I cant let someone talk to me that way. If he said something messed up I probably would have came back with the who do you think you are rap. I could have also just said; sorry I cant help you but I might have been countered with the question why not? Then I would have to either reveal my distrust of him or make up something. Forget all that. The fastest way to get someone who is asking for money off your back is to reveal to them you have none. Whether they believe you or not, theyll figure you are a waste of time in most cases. Its like the universal way to say no to a stranger asking for donations.
I think Im thinking about this way too much but analyzing human behavior, more importantly my own and how it relates to others is something that fascinates me. The point is that at that moment my need to be left alone more might be more important than my need not to lie to a stranger and I guess that bugs me a little.
A few days ago I asked the question Is it okay to lie to someone who had just lied to you? Earlier that afternoon I ran into a guy who lied to me and I in turn lied to him right back. Afterwards I felt ridiculous. There was no need for me to lie back to the guy but I was startled and put on the spot. Do this ever happen to you when you are surprised? Sometimes when I am encountered in such a surprising manner my mind goes into overdrive trying to calculate everything that has suddenly and unexpectedly occurred. When this happens to me I will sometimes lose the use of a few of my filters. You know the filters, right? I have a filter that stops me from swearing in public. I have a filter that stops me from revealing anything important about myself to strangers. I have a filter that controls my emotions. Theres a lot more. I think you get the idea.
I was walking down the block from my work on a direct route to lunch when this guy drove up alongside me in a white muscle car. He starting talking quickly at me, my mind was overwhelmed. At first I couldnt hear him because he was speaking so rapidly and I was too far away but I moved a bit closer, albeit suspiciously so. On one hand I wanted to hear what he was saying. Perhaps he wanted directions or had some other question I could have helped him with. I certainly dont mind giving someone directions or helping someone out when possible. On the other hand I am extremely distrusting of guys who roll up on me in man cars and start talking and talking and talking.
He got about 30 seconds into his rap and I figured out where it was going. It was a means to an end. The end is he wanted money. The means is hes telling me some emotional sob story about how he had a big fight with his girlfriend and that she took his car, meanwhile Im scratching my head wondering what or whose car he was driving if she took his. Meanwhile, the car hes using has like no gas in it. Im rapidly trying to size him up throughout his monologue to see first if he is any kind of threat and then secondly Im trying to ascertain whether or not he was being honest with me.
There was something about this guy I didnt like. From his loud, fast, reckless tone to his overdoing it telling me this story and laying it on thick in order to get cash from ME of all people who is WALKING down the street, wearing dirty work clothes, in a rundown neighborhood while hes rolling up on me in a nice car. After taking in his jive for more than a minute there seemed to be no end to his trying to convince me of his hardship and no end to his mission to procure sympathy as well as dollars from me. He was going for big bucks. This wasnt a guy who wanted whatever change that was in my pocket. He just kept rambling on and on and on. By now I had decided I wasnt going to give him any money and I also believed he was making all this up trying to put the con on me. I got the feeling he was looking for $5 -$10 at least and I was looking to walk away.
The last thing I remember him saying was that he had no gas left in the car and that all his ID and money was in his car that his girlfriend had. After that I couldnt hear him anymore as I was now deep into my own little game. The game was similar to musical chairs. You are moving around the chairs and you are waiting for that precise moment when the music stops. When it does, look out! You are going to dive in there and try to claim that chair. If your butt is on the plastic or wood you win for that round. If your butt is on someones lap, youve lost and you have to deal with the awkwardness and the indignity of having someone shove you off their lap. I was waiting for the silence so I could pounce. All I wanted was a quiet moment so I could chime in and get out of there. Its an interesting dynamic in that I am listening very closely waiting for the pause but despite listening so closely I was no longer hearing anything he said.
When he finally stopped to take a breath I took advantage of the opportunity. I mentioned to him that I was sorry but I barely had enough money to cover my lunch. He gave me this angry and disappointed sigh. It was if he was upset he wasted a few minutes telling me this whole story. That look on his face and his body language annoyed me. He wanted something for nothing. You cant be disappointed when you are trying to get something for free and found only nothing. He didnt lose anything. I was annoyed because he took up a few minutes of my 30 minute lunch with 10 minutes of that 30 already tied up in travel time to and from the pizza place. So he did what a guy like him in a car like that would do after the disappointment. He hit that accelerator and probably burned most of the gas he had left, if he really did in fact have so little.
My first thought after I finished my walk was how crappy his pitch was. He was trying to get real money from me and he asked me in a crazed almost belligerent manner. Whatever happened to asking nicely? I wondered if he was on something, or more likely freshly off something and he didnt have any more of said something.
After I returned to my desk, ate my slice and washed it down with some water I started to feel bad. I didnt feel bad because I didnt help this guy. I felt bad because I lied to him. Why did I do that? Im generally a pretty honest person, especially around the people I know and have a shred of care about, but when it comes to strangers I can be disarmed and not myself. They can scare me and intimidate me. My mind is sent spinning trying to calculate this and that and while that can be fun sometimes when meeting someone interesting or attractive, it can also be distressing when meeting someone darkly mysterious or threatening and some anxious moments for me can occur.
Thats my only excuse for saying what I said. This guy was strange to me and I didnt trust him or his motives. I didnt want to reveal much of anything about me, even the truth. I know its not a valid reason. I could have told him no straight up but maybe he would have reacted abusively. I mean he might have said something derogatory or mean spirited to me. Its happened to me before. You might be thinking so what if he does. Well I cant let someone talk to me that way. If he said something messed up I probably would have came back with the who do you think you are rap. I could have also just said; sorry I cant help you but I might have been countered with the question why not? Then I would have to either reveal my distrust of him or make up something. Forget all that. The fastest way to get someone who is asking for money off your back is to reveal to them you have none. Whether they believe you or not, theyll figure you are a waste of time in most cases. Its like the universal way to say no to a stranger asking for donations.
I think Im thinking about this way too much but analyzing human behavior, more importantly my own and how it relates to others is something that fascinates me. The point is that at that moment my need to be left alone more might be more important than my need not to lie to a stranger and I guess that bugs me a little.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
mylene:
I'm finishing with thumbs and logos and will put it for MR. 
mylene:
Thank you, yes, I feel better, not great still, but BETTER. Have a great time! 