edwin

attraction 2-2-07

There are so many clichs out there and perhaps you won't find a subject that has more clichs attached to it than love. I'll even expand it and say relationships because what I am talking about today is attraction. What are we attracted to? What's attractive? All I've ever learned about beauty is that it is in the eye of the beholder (see there's the first clich). It really is. I'll give you an example, Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra, Pamela Anderson-Lee-Rock, Anna Nicole Smith & Britney Spears. Those are some of the most desired women in America and I can't stand them. I don't think they are pretty at all. I really can't stand that Barbie doll looking woman. If you are a faithful reader of my blogs you'd know I have a distain for most blondes. Does it all trace back to Barbie? I don't know for sure, but I think that it goes deeper than that. I think I associate blondes with something else money, possessions and the material.

Does that mean I associate brunettes and redheads with poverty? Not quite, but I certainly believe in the stereotype or prejudice that brunettes & redheads are more down to earth. Let's face it, stereotypes exist because there is some truth to them or there may have been at one time. Life is hard and stereotypes make it easier. I'm not talking about race or anything significant. I'm not touching those stereotypes at all. I'm talking about the personal daily stereotypes we encounter. You know, like when you see a movie and can predict things about that movie based on movie stereotypes, or when you predict the behavior of your stoner friend, drunken friend, jealous friend, depressed friend, etc. Stereotypes can be used for good. They can be used to save time, predict results and tell certain truths as well as all the negativity they are known for. We hear so much about the negative aspects of the stereotype and this blog right now is based on my stereotypes of certain kinds of people. Am I wrong? Am I out of line? Well, that's for you to decide. I'm trying to find the origin of my tastes how I determine what's attractive to me. Along the way I'm sure to make some broad generalizations, or perhaps some generalizations about broads.

So no I don't associate blondes with being rich and brunettes with poverty, but I DO associate blondes with material things and fluff, while I find brunettes to be more intelligent and down to earth. It's a softer generalization. Before you kick me in the nuts, I want to clarify that I really do treat everyone I meet on an individual basis. I don't meet a blonde and immediately assume that she's as dumb as a rock and has a ton of cash and jewelry or desires for them, BUT I do look at blondes a bit more skeptically when I meet them. I certainly don't give them the benefit of the doubt I often give to a brunette. I try to be open minded about people I meet despite having preconceived notions about certain kinds of people but I think it's unavoidable. I think everyone does it, although some people take it too far into the realm of ignorance, especially pertaining to matters of race, gender or sexuality. The point is that I treat everyone the same, but I might be just a little bit more agreeable to a cute brunette, that's all.

I'm going to get back to the heart of the matter, attraction. Why am I attracted to brunettes and not blondes? Why do I associate brunettes with being down to earth, brainy and real and blondes with being material, shallow and phony? Is it the media? Was it television and movies growing up? Is it because it's all I know? What I mean is, I am dark haired, grew up poor, and like most people I find myself to be the opposite of the things I do not like. Am I to believe that everyone dark-haired is like me and everyone who is not is the opposite of me? Is it really that simple? Am I just looking for people like me? It makes sense doesn't it? At least it does on a pretty shallow level.

I started thinking about this recently for a few reasons. The first being that I've never been comfortable around rich people, or even people who aren't rich but who project a need for acceptance or admiration through possessions and status people who desire the "finer things" in life. Very simply put, I'm just me. I don't know anything or anyone and I don't have much and I've never had much and I dare say that I may never have much. All that I have is inside of me. You see Eddie works from the inside out, not the other way around.

The other thing that made me ponder these topics are a few friends of mine who recently hooked up with guys who they are attracted to in part because they come from a similar background. In both cases the women come from humbled upbringings and have found fellas they feel that can relate to where they are from. I found this dynamic somewhat fascinating. I've never looked at it that way. I looked at other things like whether they had what I deemed to be good taste in music or movies, whether they had a good sense of humor, how they dressed, how smart they are, how nice they are, how affectionate they seem and of course how pretty their face is (always numero uno on my list). In other words, my attraction to women has been focused on the now, not the past. I've never really considered where the person is from just where they are. Is that narrow mindedness on my part or open mindedness on my part?

As much as I find opinions on people with their hair color and style, I guess a possibly better if not different indicator of someone's personality may be to find out where they are from. How did you get here? If someone traveled a similar road as I did, full of disappointment and longing and somehow ended up in front of me now, I'd be impressed. I might even feel a level of admiration for them because I know too many people from my old neighborhood who were killed, thrown in jail or got pregnant before 16. I'm not trying to sound like some great success story either cuz I'm not. I just survived. I made it out, got rid of the bad friends, got myself through high school and even well into college and not into trouble. I'm not anything special. However, if there is a pretty dark haired girl who did that too, well then I guess I'd like to meet her.

To summarize all this thinking out loud or babble if you will, attraction comes from so many places. We all look for different things. But through communication and sharing we find out what other people are looking for and sometimes you realize that it fits you too but you just didn't know it yet. Because of these two people I mentioned earlier, I am now taking someone's personal background/growing up into account when I determine if I like someone. Is that a generalization? a stereotype? a prejudice? I can't say for sure but I guess I'd have to admit that I think I'd click better with someone from humble upbringings the same way I think I click better with brunettes than blondes. It's just another log to add to the fire. That's pretty cool though that everything you find attractive about the opposite sex can change tomorrow. You feel like your ideals are ironclad and then something comes along and shakes things up like an Etch-a-sketch. You have to start all over again. What do you find attractive now? So now I'm asking all of you; what do you find attractive now?