edwin

So it's a new year. Does this mean I have to make changes? Many people use such an occasion as a catalyst for change. I've never really been much for using the New Year in such a way, but I do try to keep an open mind. I will make a few small changes here and there, and attempt to make myself happier than I've been in a while.

I realize I haven't posted much lately. It's not for a lack of thoughts, ideas or questions. The mind is still abuzz with life. Life is full of cycles. You get into one and you go round and round. But inside that sphere of repetition there's an exit. There has to be because how would you start new cycles if you couldn't get out of the ones you were supposedly stuck in?

Cycles are convenient. Cycles can be fun. Cycles can be powerful... you are powerful, don't forget.

Here are some random thoughts I jotted down in the laundromat the other day:

I've discovered my personal definition of the difference between nice and friendly. Many people think they go hand in hand. That is far from the truth. It's true that many people who are friendly are nice as well and vice versa. But those who are 1 but not the other are often miscast as neither.

Take me for instance. I am a pretty nice person. I have a strong moral code. I help people whenever I can. I can be pretty selfless. I hold doors for strangers. I give compliments without strings attached to strangers. I tip very well when I get nice treatment. But, I admit I'm not always the friendliest person. I come off as quiet, moody, even shy. People see a big quiet guy like me and they sometimes they think I'm dangerous or mean. That couldn't be further from the truth. I have a small circle of tight friends and that's all I need. I don't seek out popularity or self esteem through acquaintances. Like I may have said back in the day when I grew up partially in the poor neighborhoods and hip hop culture: I keep it real.

I've seen people who are quite friendly, but in fact are not very nice. Appear to be nice, act like they're nice, but then turn out to be rotten to the core. I think everyone either knows or used to know someone like this. In my case I used to know a few.


Sometimes we just know. You ever get asked to try something... a new dish? An activity? a kinky sexual endeavor?

Sometimes you just know it's not for you and you don't have to try it. This is not logical and those of us with Vulcan friends will often remind us: "How do you know you don't like it, if you've never tried it?" Have you ever been so sure you'd not like something and then finally get bullied into doing it and then simply confirm your gut instinct? Some may say it was a self-fulfilling prophecy... you decided beforehand that you wouldn't like it, so it didn't matter after that. Regardless of whether you believe in that, the bottom line is that you didn't like it. Sometimes you just know.

This next piece is proof personified that we will always find something to complain about in our lives. In case you live out of New York State or simply do not know, smoking was banned in bars and restaurants and pretty much everywhere else around this state about 2 years ago. As a non-smoker that's great, and as a former multi-time bronchitis sufferer and one time pneumonia afflicted soul that's better than great as my lungs can sometimes have ill effects to smoke and similar particles in the air.

The thing was that dealing with smokers was a fact of life. They were abundant and they existed everywhere you did. They sat close enough to you in a restaurant, lit up all over the bar, even smoked in stores and many public places. As a non-smoker you dealt with it. Sometimes it bugged you but it certainly wasn't a surprise. However these days when I encounter a cigarette smell or walk into someone elses' exhale outside somewhere it bothers the hell out of me. The smell or taste of that filthy 2nd hand smoke is so few and far between that most non-smokers hardly encounter it anymore. Those meetings are at only a fraction of what they used to be only a few years ago. So what happens when you encounter something less and less? You're less used to it. Something you find good becomes great and yes, something you find bad becomes worse. As a person who has lost both his grandfather and father to lung cancer and smoking and had to also watch them die a slow painful death, I admit I'm a little biased, but as life provides so it shall be... meaning our experiences shape us.

I find myself on auto-pilot too much lately. Is this true of you as well? As I mentioned earlier about life going in cycles, occasionally we tend to set the cruise control when we know the path. I remember getting little race tracks for my hot wheels cars when I was a kid. They came in sections. You'd put them together and they'd form some kind of complete track. If the track was small enough, you could give a big push to a car and it may make it completely around the track 3 or 4 times. Just think, 1 push could equal 4 laps. Sometimes we live on what we have done. I'm no exception. It's not always a bad thing but I do think of Yoda if I catch myself on auto. I hear his words "never his mind on where he was... what he was doing". I'm going to try to pilot the ship a little more than I have. It may enhance the opportunity to find booty out there in the world. Did I say booty? I meant treasure. I'd hate to say anything un-PC or offend anymore who is pirately challenged.

Avast me mates, my last bit is about my desire to be more aggressive in life. This stems from basketball. I play a few times a week at the gym or in a league and my biggest problem (okay second biggest problem- being a bit out of shape is the biggest) is my lack of aggressiveness. This transcends my life. I'm passive, patient, shy and I'll back off very easily despite my passion and dedication to things.

I find there are times in life when you have to be aggressive. In my case this means being a little more aggressive than sitting back and being a watcher of life, of basketball. I'm going to try to make things happen. Now don't confuse being aggressive with being a jerk. You can be aggressive and still be quite nice if you pick your spots. You gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold them... and with that I will start that idea of being more aggressive right now by making things happen in the kitchen. All this typing has ignited my thirst and appetite. Bye for now, keep it real.