This blog is going to be a little bit on the nasty side, and I don't mean in a good way, but for whatever reason, it seems SG is a safe place to talk about bodily functions and womanly things from what I've noticed. I didn't get my period this month..... this could be due to two possible scenarios:
A. I'm pregnant. This would be very bad and I'd need to get an abortion immediately.
B. I'm experiencing amenorrhea again. If you don't know what that medical term refers to, I'd be impressed if you did, it simply means the loss of periods. Amenorrhea happens usually when the body fat level dips below what would be considered safe to support pregnancy. The body has had enough ancestral experience to know that if you're skin and bones and you get pregnant, you lose the baby. Of course none of that evolutionary mumbo jumbo means anything to the young girl who no longer has to suffer through the cramping, bloating, hormone imbalances, and general messiness of bleeding out of her crotch for a week straight once per month. No, it feels more like freedom! Unchained. Plus I'm thin! (of course that inevitably goes through the head). Cake and eat it too, right?
well, not exactly. When your body is not menstruating, it is also not depositing calcium to your bones. In case you people didn't know, women's bodies continue to deposit calcium in the bones until menopause. After menopause women's risk of osteoporosis skyrockets, so there are a lot of hormone replacement supplements to continue the calcium deposit marketed to post-menopausal women. For a young woman of 23 (this also happened to me when I was 17) this means certain death to the bones. A woman who has had amenorrhea since her teens will be in a wheelchair or walker by her 40s. You may have heard of the ballerina syndrome--ballet being a profession held to particularly unreasonable physical standards of perfection.
Obviously the period--to be or not to be--turns out to be a horrifying double edged sword. It's just not worth it. I guess I'd rather suffer through a couple hours of excruciating abdominal pain while I roll around on the ground moaning each month over the second half of my life as a handicapped person. The other ugly reality is that this means I have to gain weight (here's where I start wishing I was just pregnant). I'm not really skinny, I'm not unhealthy looking. I don't have any jagged ribs or hips jutting out. I have a cushion of womanliness across my belly like I'm supposed to, yet I'm still too thin. To put it into perspective, I'm 5'6" and currently 118lbs. I'm not very muscular because I don't exercise so the weight is spread across more distance than if I were built from compact muscle.
Maybe now is a good time to spill my guts. I'm through the woods, if you will (i wouldn't), now, but for about 3 years I was anorexic, and weight is still a very sensitive subject to me. The idea of putting on weight is still more nightmarish than it should be. Why MUST I compromise my self-esteem to be "healthy?" I don't come from a line of fat people or anything, but both of my parent's sides of the family are of the Nordic persuasion, if you will (again, I wouldn't), and naturally have the physical girth to withstand cold northern winters. I resent those genetics!
Well, there are always menopause pills......... arg
A. I'm pregnant. This would be very bad and I'd need to get an abortion immediately.
B. I'm experiencing amenorrhea again. If you don't know what that medical term refers to, I'd be impressed if you did, it simply means the loss of periods. Amenorrhea happens usually when the body fat level dips below what would be considered safe to support pregnancy. The body has had enough ancestral experience to know that if you're skin and bones and you get pregnant, you lose the baby. Of course none of that evolutionary mumbo jumbo means anything to the young girl who no longer has to suffer through the cramping, bloating, hormone imbalances, and general messiness of bleeding out of her crotch for a week straight once per month. No, it feels more like freedom! Unchained. Plus I'm thin! (of course that inevitably goes through the head). Cake and eat it too, right?
well, not exactly. When your body is not menstruating, it is also not depositing calcium to your bones. In case you people didn't know, women's bodies continue to deposit calcium in the bones until menopause. After menopause women's risk of osteoporosis skyrockets, so there are a lot of hormone replacement supplements to continue the calcium deposit marketed to post-menopausal women. For a young woman of 23 (this also happened to me when I was 17) this means certain death to the bones. A woman who has had amenorrhea since her teens will be in a wheelchair or walker by her 40s. You may have heard of the ballerina syndrome--ballet being a profession held to particularly unreasonable physical standards of perfection.
Obviously the period--to be or not to be--turns out to be a horrifying double edged sword. It's just not worth it. I guess I'd rather suffer through a couple hours of excruciating abdominal pain while I roll around on the ground moaning each month over the second half of my life as a handicapped person. The other ugly reality is that this means I have to gain weight (here's where I start wishing I was just pregnant). I'm not really skinny, I'm not unhealthy looking. I don't have any jagged ribs or hips jutting out. I have a cushion of womanliness across my belly like I'm supposed to, yet I'm still too thin. To put it into perspective, I'm 5'6" and currently 118lbs. I'm not very muscular because I don't exercise so the weight is spread across more distance than if I were built from compact muscle.
Maybe now is a good time to spill my guts. I'm through the woods, if you will (i wouldn't), now, but for about 3 years I was anorexic, and weight is still a very sensitive subject to me. The idea of putting on weight is still more nightmarish than it should be. Why MUST I compromise my self-esteem to be "healthy?" I don't come from a line of fat people or anything, but both of my parent's sides of the family are of the Nordic persuasion, if you will (again, I wouldn't), and naturally have the physical girth to withstand cold northern winters. I resent those genetics!
Well, there are always menopause pills......... arg
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
johnny:
Dear...dear...dear... Where tho begin? "I'm so sorry," will suffice, I suppose. "Get thee to a doctor," might occur to me next (you need to know which and what you're dealing with asap). I have some experience with ED's (and addiction and odc and all those syndromes that go with a defective lymbic system), and will write you a letter as soon as I can, as I have a few questions. You ask why you must sacrifice your self-esteem to be healthy... IMHO, it's not your body that hurts you, it's your attachment to a certain body image. You've cheated yourself into believing that your happiness lies in that body image. Okay, enough quasi Taoism for this morning, but I will write you soon. And keep us posted on how al this goes -- you've got phenominal brains and talent, and we need you here! ((((hugs))))
johnny:
YEAAA! I know it's an odd thing to be happy about, but you know what I mean. And, yep, trust the wisdom of the body -- it always knows best. Funny about exactly the same numbers, but perhaps we shouldn't be too concerned with numbers. Hmmm... Anyway, the new year finds me way too busy to know how I'm doing -- I'm just doing what needs doing. Since my Dad died, I've been running his corporate affairs, and the deadlines for state and federal reporting fall just when my play opens (end of the month). SO, it's gonna be two weeks of hecticity! Wish me luck, and I'll wish you all good things. Till soon.