mmmmm stomach full of pizza, this is probably not the best time in the world to go about updating my journal but it's been too long...i resolved to not be such a hermit a while ago and i've been pretty good...it's tough when you work as much as i do, just to get the energy to physically go THUNKA THUNKA (that's the sound it makes when i type - i have big stumps instead of hands) on the keyboard, let alone the mental acumen to say anything -gasp- INTERESTING?
i've been wrestling with some really weighty kind of philosophical questions lately...the kind of shit that "normal" (and of course i use that word with the knowledge that there really isn't anything "normal" anymore, but what the hell, it's got to mean SOMETHING) people never even approach let alone obsess about, but which keeps me up late late late at night all THE FUCKING TIME and causes me to drink way more than i should, just to slow things down and relieve the fucking pressure - my one real difficultly lately has been remaining optimistic about the prospect of being able to maintain any kind of healthy, meaningful relationship with another human being...i've mentioned in recent days my loss of any ability to relate to the people around me, and it's to the point now where i don't know, i just feel like i don't have anything to say to anyone - like i am so immersed in my own little world of circuitous thought patterns and overwhelming subjectivity that there's no point where my thinking meets up with the thinking of anyone around me - and i know that's not really true, it's just getting from the point where i am to some point where someone else will go "yeah, i know what you mean" is usually such a fucking struggle that i can't even justify the effort in my mind, not when I'm SO CLOSE TO FIGURING IT ALL OUT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!
yeah, right. i'm not that fucking delusional. i think if you got everyone on this site alone who was totally obsessed with pirates together we could make the nastiest (not to mention most sextastical) pirate army ever assembled. yarr matey, keel haul ya, walk the plank, etc etc etc. that shit is just fun to type.
i need to take another crack at reading the Tao of Physics again sometime soon...might help with some of my subjectivity problems...i've never finished it, by like chapter 5 my mind is so blown that i just have to put the book down and go sit in the front yard for a while and look at the sky or something until my head stops pulsating like one of those eggs from the alien movies that just goes BOOOOOM all of a sudden and then like a giant fucking space spider shoots out and starts shooting deadly venom all over the place and everyone's like NOOO NOO OOOOHHH MYY GODDD I AM TOTALLY BEING EATEN ALIVE BY HORRIBLE BURNING SPACE ACID RIGHT NOW AND IT'S NOT FUN, I GUESS THIS MEANS I'LL NEVER GET TO MAKE THAT MIX TAPE FOR BEN THAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GET TO FOREVER OHHH I HOPE HE'S NOT MAD OOHHHHH THIS HURTS.
where was I? oh yeah the imagery of the pulsating head reminds me of this old cartoon that i was fucking OBSESSED about, partially cause i have such a cantankerously enormous melon (it's fucking hugungous, like i can't buy hats in normal stores even) but also just because it was hecka good, it was called "The Head" and they used to show it on mtv like way way way back in the early nineties, it was about this guy who had an alien living in his head and his head was like HUUUUUUGE like twice the size of his body and he did stuff, what i can't exactly remember though, but it was awesome. does anyone else remember that show and how awesome it was?
man, this is a really a departure from the usual, over-analytical "ohhhh i think so much that it makes me sad, ohhh ohhhh" shit i usually throw down here - this is kind of fun...this would be the "manic" side of the -----/depressive personality disorder equation thingy.
what if you die and nothing happens? just like nothing? total end of awareness of anything internal or external or any memory...just like turning off a fucking tv? my mom thinks that's what happens to you...it really chills me that the woman who raised me believes that.
uhhh everyone should check out achewood dot com it's an online comic YES I KNOW ALMOST ALL OF THEM SUCK BUT THIS ONE IS GOOD JUST GO AND READ THE ARCHIVES AND TELL ME IT IS NOT TEH AWESOME ROFFLE MAYO!!!!!!!!!1111111UNO
okay sorry i'm being a total idiot now. i'll stop. more deep thoughts later...maybe i'll dig up a picture or two to post as well. we'll see. vaya con dios in every sense of the word until then my peeps, whoever the fuck you are. actually, yeah, identify yourselves! shout outs must abound if you read my journal!!! do you want to be my friends? i'm actually a little scared of having online "friends" all in like a list somewhere so if you don't that's okay too, i understand. good bye for now.
i've been wrestling with some really weighty kind of philosophical questions lately...the kind of shit that "normal" (and of course i use that word with the knowledge that there really isn't anything "normal" anymore, but what the hell, it's got to mean SOMETHING) people never even approach let alone obsess about, but which keeps me up late late late at night all THE FUCKING TIME and causes me to drink way more than i should, just to slow things down and relieve the fucking pressure - my one real difficultly lately has been remaining optimistic about the prospect of being able to maintain any kind of healthy, meaningful relationship with another human being...i've mentioned in recent days my loss of any ability to relate to the people around me, and it's to the point now where i don't know, i just feel like i don't have anything to say to anyone - like i am so immersed in my own little world of circuitous thought patterns and overwhelming subjectivity that there's no point where my thinking meets up with the thinking of anyone around me - and i know that's not really true, it's just getting from the point where i am to some point where someone else will go "yeah, i know what you mean" is usually such a fucking struggle that i can't even justify the effort in my mind, not when I'm SO CLOSE TO FIGURING IT ALL OUT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!
yeah, right. i'm not that fucking delusional. i think if you got everyone on this site alone who was totally obsessed with pirates together we could make the nastiest (not to mention most sextastical) pirate army ever assembled. yarr matey, keel haul ya, walk the plank, etc etc etc. that shit is just fun to type.
i need to take another crack at reading the Tao of Physics again sometime soon...might help with some of my subjectivity problems...i've never finished it, by like chapter 5 my mind is so blown that i just have to put the book down and go sit in the front yard for a while and look at the sky or something until my head stops pulsating like one of those eggs from the alien movies that just goes BOOOOOM all of a sudden and then like a giant fucking space spider shoots out and starts shooting deadly venom all over the place and everyone's like NOOO NOO OOOOHHH MYY GODDD I AM TOTALLY BEING EATEN ALIVE BY HORRIBLE BURNING SPACE ACID RIGHT NOW AND IT'S NOT FUN, I GUESS THIS MEANS I'LL NEVER GET TO MAKE THAT MIX TAPE FOR BEN THAT I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GET TO FOREVER OHHH I HOPE HE'S NOT MAD OOHHHHH THIS HURTS.
where was I? oh yeah the imagery of the pulsating head reminds me of this old cartoon that i was fucking OBSESSED about, partially cause i have such a cantankerously enormous melon (it's fucking hugungous, like i can't buy hats in normal stores even) but also just because it was hecka good, it was called "The Head" and they used to show it on mtv like way way way back in the early nineties, it was about this guy who had an alien living in his head and his head was like HUUUUUUGE like twice the size of his body and he did stuff, what i can't exactly remember though, but it was awesome. does anyone else remember that show and how awesome it was?
man, this is a really a departure from the usual, over-analytical "ohhhh i think so much that it makes me sad, ohhh ohhhh" shit i usually throw down here - this is kind of fun...this would be the "manic" side of the -----/depressive personality disorder equation thingy.
what if you die and nothing happens? just like nothing? total end of awareness of anything internal or external or any memory...just like turning off a fucking tv? my mom thinks that's what happens to you...it really chills me that the woman who raised me believes that.
uhhh everyone should check out achewood dot com it's an online comic YES I KNOW ALMOST ALL OF THEM SUCK BUT THIS ONE IS GOOD JUST GO AND READ THE ARCHIVES AND TELL ME IT IS NOT TEH AWESOME ROFFLE MAYO!!!!!!!!!1111111UNO
okay sorry i'm being a total idiot now. i'll stop. more deep thoughts later...maybe i'll dig up a picture or two to post as well. we'll see. vaya con dios in every sense of the word until then my peeps, whoever the fuck you are. actually, yeah, identify yourselves! shout outs must abound if you read my journal!!! do you want to be my friends? i'm actually a little scared of having online "friends" all in like a list somewhere so if you don't that's okay too, i understand. good bye for now.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i have spells of mania...i have spells of depression.
you should contact me. i just might understand...
~blasfemme
and then the monkey-brain says "FUCKING PIRATES, DOOD! DOOD! PIRATES! ON THE BIG SCREEN! WITH AAAAAAARRRRRRING AND BATTENING DOWN OF HATCHES AND CUTLASSES AND FLINTLOCK PISTOLS AND RUM AND PLANKS AND SHARKS HOLY SHIT PIRATES FUCK ARRRRGH!"
so when is it coming out?
and also, I have added you to my friends list. ha! now you have an online friend, you freak! ha!
the thing about the spurs is that they didn't play a whole game of good team offense the entire year. they never quite gelled on the offensive end. but their defense mixed with enough duncan and somebody different off the bench every night was enough. jersey looked pretty similar actually.
also, the spurs didn't play five straight minutes of good offense and defense at the same time in the playoffs till the last eight minutes of the last game.
but yeah, it is weird talking about sports here, isn't it? I almost never do it (I'm actually a much bigger cowboys and braves fan), but I had to say something, I guess.