dw

OH MY GOD IT LIVES - i seriously thought i was never going to update this thing again - in fact, now probably isn't the time either considering i haven't slept yet and it's uhh...eleven AM. i swear that's not like a boast or anything, just a status update. nothing bores me more than people bragging about how little they slept/how much they drank/how sick they are. i get a lot of that at work- i work in a restaurant so it's like a badge of honor to get ten minutes of sleep after drinking a case and a half of whiskey while you have multiple sclerosis and the clap and then come in and work a SPLIT OH MY GOD IT'S RESTAURANT WORK SHUT UP IT'S NOT THAT HARD. drinking a lot and not sleeping while you're ill doesn't make you special or hardy - it just makes you a fucking idiot.

gee - do i sound burned out? obviously i've been working a lot, which has kept me away from the puter a lot, and put me in an odd frame of mind in general. i have a lot of time to think at work, and i just hit the whole "oh my god there is no morality or real structure to anything save for what you put there and all human notions of what is right and wrong are totally fucking arbitrary and meaningless, along with damn near everything else in this world" point that a lot of us come to i'm sure from time to time, i'm just having a hard time finding my way around it this time - i read this again and as always, it threw me for a loop along with everything else...so i'm in a pretty odd place, mentally, right now.

i guess my real crisis is just like how to relate to other people, other human beings, without just totally being evil and like a maniac and killing them, or conversely just lying my ass off and using them to satisfy my own base needs and desires from moment to moment. because i really have lost most of my notions of morality or right and wrong, or even good and bad...it's all so fucking arbitrary that i don't see the point in recognizing their existence so now a lot of time it's like "hi i don't know whether to fuck you or kill you because i could totally do both right now." i would rattle off my usual reams of thought on the subject but the bathroom calls for the moment so let me go and think it over.

okay dropping THAT particular bomb has kind of shaken me on the idea of dropping any more bombs for the moment so to reiterate OH MY GOD IT LIVES, restaurant work is simaultaneously my testes AND my rectum which means it exists in some kind of spacetime warp that allows it to be in two places at once, which makes it even scarier, there is no real structure or form to existence in any way suffice what you choose to place there, and even that's completely arbitrary since it's just you choice anyway, i want to fuck corpses, uhh other random things before i go, that new girl portia is like OH MY GRAVY hot, i just found out that there are a bunch of "girls" who have pages but no picture sets which i find vaguely disconcerting but i can't say why, my gf just got her big ole spinal tattoo finished and i will phototate and postify shortly along with some other nerdy filth okay that's all PEACE OUT FOR THE RESIDENTS OF THE GEOGRAPHICAL REGION KNOWN AS THE WORLD

ps new pics checkem out