family
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
on the subject of family i have found it to be true for me that family is friends that you meet along the way and strangers are friends you havent met so really everyone on this spining rock one day could be my family i believe they already are i just havent met all of them but as all family goes some you like more than othes but you love them all this is true for me and my expereince with family take for instance i was talking to my mom tonight havent talked to her in awhile i love my mom deeply shes one of the most spiritual people ive ever met however also one of the leat emotionally unavailable which says alot for me cause i am my mothers son anywho i was lamenting how i wish my family was closer like some families i know its kinda sad actually its down right depressing i was making her aware how i dont even wanna try anymore i mean the only person i have a decent conversation with is my mom all the others its just surface bull shit i just dont have the energy to go through the pleasntries anymore how are you fine and you fine well it was nice talking to you or you try to keep in contact but your the only one working at the relationship its frustrating why am i saying all this i guess cause i see the joy other famalies have and i would like to have that with my kin but its not materializing so i gave up i have family where i live now friends that know me and my life that care about me and whats going on and vice versa i could go on for hours how people in pcola have made me feel a part of and how my blood relations in n.y. really dont care or thats how i see it my perception dont get me wrong i know they love me but its just not the same well actually it is the same ever since i was a kid or at least old enough to know we all dint get along that well evryone has their motives and choices and life to lead and we just blew into the wind like leaves on an autumn day one goin here and one ther mostly me here in pcola and them in n.y. but through all that has happened in the course of my life i still have this unquenched desire to be a better son,father,brother,grandson,human etc. i dont feel like im doing the best at it in all areas im kinda laazy when it comes to that and laziness is the opposite of love i dislike that about me how i give up i just feel like i cant change them and the way are family is i can work on my relationships that im prsent for though which i have been doing mainly the one between me and god and myself of course all the armor is rusting away its no good anymore i dont want new armor either i want pain i want suffering i want growth i want joy things are funny amusing really i wondere if i were more likely to buy into conformity if i would be searching and asking questions of myself if i would even feel this way who knows only god right so to all you that have family whether they be blood related or not apperciate it i know that the relationships i have today keep me going keep me searching keep my feet on the ground and head in the clouds and i appperciate everyone of them even the ones who dont like me because i might not like you but sure as hell if i dont love you cause i do through love all things are possible so to all yall a happy holidays be safe have fun and live love and laugh like todays your last cause it just might be-namaste-
Currently listening:
Becoming X
By Sneaker Pimps
Release date: By 25 February, 1997