durinpunk

I have been hospitalized after my battle with the drunken frat boys, but it is merely for a few lacerations and a bruised rib. Needless to say, I merely got a slap on the wrist compared to my opponents.
So, here's what happened:
Lee, the "epitome of assraping", was off hitting on another bouncer, leaving the "Phil Situation", the "Giver of Pain", yours truly, alone on the door. While sitting there, solidly rejecting several coasties broads who wanted a peice of my hidden dragon, I noticed a couple douchebags starting to fight.
Immediately, I jumped in and pulled them apart, demanding to know what was going on while i held each of them a few inches off the ground at arms length. Apparently, they were just playing with eachother, for they were frat brothers and were warming themselves up for their bedroom aerobics later that evening. So, I let them down, and went back to my post. Lee was still no where to be seen. I assume he was attempting to get Talos to let him suck him off.
Not five minutes later, the same two, along with the rest of their frat brothers, started some stupid chant and started spraying beer all over the place. Once more, I entered the swarming mass of stupidity and began seperating the hugging, groping members of the disturbance.
When I had clamed the group and began getting them to head towards the door, several particularily drunk members thought it'd be funny to start pushing and shoving eachother once again. This led to one of them getting pushed into me. Not one to take any crap, I threw that kid over a table. His buddies, seeing this, bum rushed me, throwing insults and punches in rapid succession.
It was all I could do not to kill them all, but by the end of the fray, only i stood, a broken bottleneck sticking from my shoulder and a hand across my now tender ribs. My oppnents, strewn about hte floor like so much bloody, pulpy garbage. It was at this point, Lee showed up, wiping something white and sticky from his lips.
"Wow, dude, we sure cleaned those guys up, didn't we?" he said, his voice sounding gummy, as if he just drank too much egg nog.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I bellowed as I pulled the offending bottleneck from my awsomely ripped shoulder, "That was nothing but the giver of pain doing this whompin'"
"No way, man, I totally helped!" he whined like a little girl.
I gave him five across the eyes and when to soder the wound with a blow torch. It wasn't until the next morning that my ribs started to really give me shit and I decided that a quick trip to the hospital was in order, and that brings me o where i am now.

The moral of this story? Lee's a lieing hobag, and I am the epitome of awsome, the ultimate dealer of pain and death, and original in my ways as the first ninja.