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duone

Santa Cruz, the Thousand Oaks, then Corvallis, then LA, and now back to C-town

Member Since 2004

Followers 6 Following 14

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Sunday Mar 13, 2005

Mar 13, 2005
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Love sucks. I'm gonna say this right now because who knows what I'll be like in the next moment, but seriously, love sucks.

All of you who are in love are just in store for some serious heartbreak and pain. Becuase one of you is always gonna be more in love than the other, and the other is gonna decide it's just not worth their time anymore to pretend they love you as much. So they try to let you off all easy, and say things like "I just need to find out who I am. By myself." and tell you that "they still love you." And you try to tell yourself the same, but it doesn't work and you still wish they'd just ask you to come back. So you go ahead and give them as much space as you can muster and agree to try to be friends still and hang out every once and a while to just see how each other is doing.

But then it turns out that it only takes two and a half months to figure out who they are. Which is pretty impressive, considering you'd been together for a year and some change. So then they start hanging out with someone else, all the time; hell, more than you two spent when you were together. Still, they'll show up now and again, and give you a hug, or say something suggestive that insinuates that they still care for you like you do for them and that it's only a matter of time before they come around and decide they want you back again. But once you've done what they need, it's the cold shoulder. They won't tell you they're totally done with you, that they don't think about you anymore, and that you are now just a dull reminder. They don't tell you that they are with someone else.

And you'll hate it more than anything else. It'll make you paranoid and jealous. It'll make you sick, both physically and mentally. It'll consume you till it's the only thing you can think about. And you won't know if it is just something you've built up in your head that is fake, that you're seeing something that just isn't there. At the same time though, you can't help but wonder if you are in fact seeing something real happening, and you are just trying to tell yourself it's not really there. But all you know is that you can't sit still, and you can't think straight, and you can't really carry on day-to-day without having this run through your very being and make everything else in your now seemingly bleak with and sorry life turn a shade of gray and wither and die. And you won't help but feel like you've been toyed with and left out on the sidewalk to dissapear. You won't be able to shake this idea that the one person that you would have killed for to make safe and died for to make happy lied to you like your concern was a trivial matter. You won't even be able to sleep to make it go away.

The worst part about it all is that it will always be there, even if iyou manage to hide it. It will always be there to remind you of what you had. No matter where you go, you will be reminded of one thing or another that leads you back to the memory of them. And you can do nothing about it. It's like a scar that will never leave. It will stop bleeding, it will stop hurtng, and it will stop being the most obvious part of you, but it will never go away.

That is why love, in my humble estimation, sucks.

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