So here it starts. I have been putting this off, writing a blog that is. I have always been afraid of how much I let people know about myself, and putting it out on the internet for the world to see is hard for me. The irony is that the company of interesting people and meeting new people are what I enjoy most in life.
Let me start out with a bit of an explanation of my background. I was born in a suburb of Minneapolis, a bedroom community with absolutely nothing going for it except houses, banks, schools, and churches. So there wasn't much variety in the people around me, and I found that boring. I was surrounded by the glorification of the mediocre, the disciples of the normal, and I wanted something more. I spent most of my early years as a loner, stuck in with the church crowd but too strange for them, and because of that too shy to find where I really belonged. I gained all my social skills in high school, when I finally found my place with the goths, which pretty much included all the types of alternative people. In my high school we were such a minority that when we had a party, we all fit in one person's basement.
This was also when I finally got upgraded from dial-up, and I found my true love: music. My parents would only listen to christian radio, and I didn't have money for CDs. Before I could find it for myself online, I said that I didn't like music, because all of the stuff on the radio sucked and sounded like the rest of the stuff on the radio, so I just listened to classical music. Then I found punk rock, heavy metal, black metal, alt rock, electro, trance, dance, house, darkwave, the list goes on, and I love it all. Now, I listen to nearly all music, as long as there is some variety and it isn't the same mainstream stuff reproduced with new faces.
I found a great girl in high school too, and we helped each other learn what a healthy relationship is. She was one of the first people I really opened up to, and I will always love her, no matter where life takes me. I have learned a lot with her, including that I am a bisexual polyamorous hedonist (still working on the words for my viewpoints, hard to find a good set of definitions that agree with what I want to say). I always had these feelings inside of me, but I held them back because I didn't know what they were or if they were good or not. Now I know that no matter what my feelings, they are MINE, and I shouldn't have to change them for those around me, because they belong to me, not them.
Then I went on to college, because the path others told me to walk led me there. I made the mistake of following that path, and I ended up at a great school in the academic sense, but horrible in the social sense. I spent the last year in the snows of the north, gaining a greater appreciation for Norse Metal. I went through the motions, but found that college was not for me. So I spent my time meditating on the greater questions: what do I want in life; what am I going to do with my life; what is life.
So far, I have not found the right answers, but I have found many things I believe to be the wrong answers. I have gained a sense of connectedness with the universe, and I am trying to explore that more fully. I have also gained a new appreciation for the company of interesting people of all sorts, and that is why I am here.
At worst, I hope to learn to open up more to others, because we are all the same anyway so there is no reason to be afraid. At best, I hope to enjoy the company of new and interesting people, and I think I will find them here
Let me start out with a bit of an explanation of my background. I was born in a suburb of Minneapolis, a bedroom community with absolutely nothing going for it except houses, banks, schools, and churches. So there wasn't much variety in the people around me, and I found that boring. I was surrounded by the glorification of the mediocre, the disciples of the normal, and I wanted something more. I spent most of my early years as a loner, stuck in with the church crowd but too strange for them, and because of that too shy to find where I really belonged. I gained all my social skills in high school, when I finally found my place with the goths, which pretty much included all the types of alternative people. In my high school we were such a minority that when we had a party, we all fit in one person's basement.
This was also when I finally got upgraded from dial-up, and I found my true love: music. My parents would only listen to christian radio, and I didn't have money for CDs. Before I could find it for myself online, I said that I didn't like music, because all of the stuff on the radio sucked and sounded like the rest of the stuff on the radio, so I just listened to classical music. Then I found punk rock, heavy metal, black metal, alt rock, electro, trance, dance, house, darkwave, the list goes on, and I love it all. Now, I listen to nearly all music, as long as there is some variety and it isn't the same mainstream stuff reproduced with new faces.
I found a great girl in high school too, and we helped each other learn what a healthy relationship is. She was one of the first people I really opened up to, and I will always love her, no matter where life takes me. I have learned a lot with her, including that I am a bisexual polyamorous hedonist (still working on the words for my viewpoints, hard to find a good set of definitions that agree with what I want to say). I always had these feelings inside of me, but I held them back because I didn't know what they were or if they were good or not. Now I know that no matter what my feelings, they are MINE, and I shouldn't have to change them for those around me, because they belong to me, not them.
Then I went on to college, because the path others told me to walk led me there. I made the mistake of following that path, and I ended up at a great school in the academic sense, but horrible in the social sense. I spent the last year in the snows of the north, gaining a greater appreciation for Norse Metal. I went through the motions, but found that college was not for me. So I spent my time meditating on the greater questions: what do I want in life; what am I going to do with my life; what is life.
So far, I have not found the right answers, but I have found many things I believe to be the wrong answers. I have gained a sense of connectedness with the universe, and I am trying to explore that more fully. I have also gained a new appreciation for the company of interesting people of all sorts, and that is why I am here.
At worst, I hope to learn to open up more to others, because we are all the same anyway so there is no reason to be afraid. At best, I hope to enjoy the company of new and interesting people, and I think I will find them here
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
layzegrace:
Man, I feel you. Suburbs of Chicago here. I found my social skills in a circus instead though .
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nateb:
I love your story, and I can relate to it. My story is similar, with a few relatively inconsequential adjustments. It is good to be different, because what is 'normal' is wrong. It is also good to see what is wrong, that must be done first.