drunkenpaw

i'm feeling very weird right now. i just got back from a hip hop club and realized that it was not my scene. i've been to things like this in the past, but tonight i felt truly out of place... maybe i'm just an indie boy who needs to know his place.

i'm feeling weird about my image and appearance. i want to get back into really great shape and get all new clothes and stuff. i'm starting to think it's time for some friends and i to separate so that we'll do our own thing and be happy to see each other when we do accidentally cross paths in the future. at the same time, i'm feeling very grateful that i have all my limbs, etc. i am loving and hating my body at the same time.

this probably has a lot to do with all the prescriptions i've been taking--i'm on four different types of pills!! they're for bipolar/depression. i don't fully understand the line between chemical and emotional right now. jacinda just wrote about pills; read that post.

i also feel like the world is laughing at me for some reason, like i am just completely a big wet joke, an evolutionary fluke, a freak. i'm not sure what. i'm starting to get uncomfortable meeting new people, which is very unusual for me...