drtransi

i don't know why it is, when i look at old pictures from my past, i am filled with such rage. the rage is the most destructive part of my life right now. i'm angry at everybody who's been close to me, mostly my family of course. i guess its just because i feel its such a fucking waste. to have all that at your disposal and not being able to enjoy it. it's still the case, ofcourse, on many levels.
its just that made my life living hell, while i was out of high school, and studying music. thats before i started in this school, the art academy, which is something people think is really acceptible in borgeouse kind of way. it's also that the way i looked then, with long hair, alot of people thought that was intimidating. which was the main reason, everything was going kind of badly, with holding menial jobs and such. my early twenties were a state of confusion. nothing was going that well, i suppose. it's just, in my mind, that should be okay. your young, you are searching. but for others, they have to make life hell, by shoving it in your face all the time.
it's just as i am so 'accepted' now, i can't help but think, you fucking hypocrites. fuck you.
but also, the realization is present, that when you look at a photo of yourself, a few years back, you know that person is dead. i cant go back and make right those things that went wrong.