drrieux

It's funny how the scent of the air reminds me of different times. That bittersweet calamity of a collision between what's real and what could have been real. An infinite possibility of might have beens that aren't. Is it wrong to dwell on such things? heh, if it was I would have been dead a long time ago. Condemned to damnation of my own doing because I'm a romantic for the violence of memory. She could have seen it all. The whole bloody mess unfold before her eyes. But she turned and walked away. A subtle grin on her burning crimson lips that lit up the dark night. I can still feel her piercing green eyes burning into me as they stared through a haze of guilt and false promises. The last words she spoke was, "I love you, but I hate you more. You're a bastard. You always have been. It just took me this long to realise it. So one of use has to walk away, and this time it's me. I hope you're happy because you're the only one in this goddamn place that is!" Then she slapped me and walked away. I deserved that, but it didn't stop me from beating the hell from her all the same. She cried out for me to stop, but all I saw was red and blinding hate. I wrapped my fingers round her soft pale throat and squeezed until I felt the life escape from her breath. "I love you too baby. I love you so much, but I can't let you walk away from me. You'll go crying to someone elses arms and I just couldn't bear that. It would hurt me too much. So sleep now and everything will be better, I promise." I picked up her still warm lifeless body and carried it down to the car. She sat nicely in the passenger seat and I leaned her head against the window so she wouldn't fall over. I took my place in the driver's seat and took the old highway along the water. The moon was out and shining on the bay, but even that paled to the beauty of her next to me. It was just like old times, driving along the coast, her sleeping silently next to me. "God she looks so beautiful, no no, she's goddamn gorgeous! Too bad this will be the last time we'll be together like this. These are the best times, when I can just look at her and smile to myself because she's mine. I should have treated her better. Should have thought things through instead of always letting that fucking madness takeover all the time. Then she would have been afraid, she wouldn't have had to wear those dark glasses that covered her pretty eyes all the time, and most of all I might get to hear her laugh one more time. I am a bastard, she was right. The only one with the guts to say something like that to my face. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and now it's all over. No time for regrets now, what's done is done and there's no turning back. Here comes the spot." I thought all of this as I was driving up to our spot. A turn off from the highway where we parked the car and stared out at the bay until the sun came up. I kissed her forehead one last time and told her I loved her again, closed my eyes, put the car in gear, and drove it off the edge into the water...