drrieux

Certain memories I have that I will always cherish. Times when I was filled with emotion and a warmth in my heart. Some before and some after the dark times. When the sun stopped rising and things were cast in shadow. Not entirely devoid, but in a constant state of stagnation. There was when we were just two kids trying to figure things out. This new and breathtaking feeling that enveloped us both. Amazing that something so strong could be mutual and consume two beings at once. The brightest sunrise on the most glorious dawn. It was just a northern sunrise though, the sun barely broke the horizon before disappearing and leaving us in darkness. Then there was a new dawn. Out by the lake, you were smoking a cigarette away from so that the smoke wouldn't be blown in my direction. I just leaned against the car admiring you in my head, but in my words I berated you for your nasty habit. Later outside your home, you playfully took my hat so that you could draw me in and kiss me softly but with a full heart. By that point the air was cool, our embrace kept us from shivering. Again, the sun sank below the horizon line taking with it the remnants of warmth left. So I slept, dreaming of things to come and things that might have been. In my dreams, I found you with dark eyes and a soft smile. Your heart was broken and I used my words to mend it as best as I could. There was such passion in you that I wished so much to share it. Somehow I failed, though. I was a half empty vessel attempting to give you more than I had because it was what you deserved. Your tears brought me such sadness and your laugh brought me joy. When I took off my shoes I found sand that reminded me of Steve Martin and stories I had told you. Nights on the couch, trying to hold your hand subtly and trying not to stare. These were feelings I wanted so much to relish in, but never felt comfortable enough to fully appreciate them. I felt so sorry because I seemed so confused about so many things except one, the most important feeling I had. The one I had not been able to diminish into nothingness. Even I was never able to fully show you, it was there. Like every dream though, it ended. Awake, and it is still dark. There is no new dawn yet. This does not mean that I am fatalistic, that I believe the sun has abandoned me. There is always a new dawn, I just have to be patient and wait. I will wrap myself in blankets and sleep away the cold dark. Until the new dawn, I will dream of things and wait. For now, I will sleep...