drphil

O.k last night i was hurt emotionally very very VERY badly. My ex told me that she cheated on me while we were going out. And the night we broke up she said that she went to a guys place for comforting, he kissed her and then had sex that night. Now that makes me angry. Not only did she prove that she did not love me. But it shows that she lied to me constantly. Lead my heart on, and she promised when we were going out that she would tell me instantly if anything happened like this. (she cheated on her ex's too) but she kept saying to me everyday that she has been loyal to me. We were going out for 7 months. To me that is a hell of a long time. And she through it all away. She took my heart, ripped it out, ground it to a pulp and burned it. When she told me this my hands were shaking and i was filled with a plethora of feelings. Overwhelmed i was. I was on my way out to a friends house to study for my exam when she told me. (oh and how we got to this conversation was that she was online and i asked her how she was. she said "good but thats what a fuck buddy was for." i replied sayig "who's the fuck buddy?" she then said "Bryan. (one of her university townhouse neighbours. she lives in like a bunch of townhouses on campus.) that when she said she went over there there night we broke up. And thats when she said she cheated on me before. I dont' know who with but it doesn't matter. I have been nothing but great to her and this is how she pays me back. I will be hurt and scarred forever again. (my other ex also cheated on me 5 years ago, it was 4 years after my 1st ex that i met my now current ex g/f) What a great way for my life to be even shittier than it already has been.

Why me? WHY ME? i screamed in the car on the road to my friends place. I wont' be able to get her out of my mind now. I just wanted somebody tolove and love me back. I want to call her mom and her older sister and siters husband and explain to them why we broke up. i don't want her to tell them lies. Lies that she has been telling me. I confronted her last nigth by also saying that she should look at her life and see what she is doign to others emotions and lives. Nothing but hurting and backstabbing. Even the clues of her cheating were there in front of me. I was suspicious of her but she kept telling me no, so i denied the facts. I should have listened to my brain then. Not my heart. Last night after i got back from my friends place (about midnight) i watched some t.v but started falling asleep so i went yo my room for bed. Thats when i started crying hard. I wanted to scream, i wanted to release my frustration. I wanted someone to be with me there last night to help me, and hold me. Thinking of this made me cry harder. I realized that i was lonely here. Only a few people would help me but they are in different citys.

I still want soemone to be here. My crying shoulder. My helper. But they have their lives to live and are too busy. I shoudl not cry anymore but i can see it happening again as i have to go to her place and pcik up some old NES games i lent her and her roommates. I want to tell her the flaws of her life and rationality. I want to tell her that she doesn't know anything about TRUST in relationships. TRUST i cannot use with anyone right now. She killed my trust. How can i trust anyone anymore? And that she cannot blame others for everything. Sher never once blamed herself during the whole relationship. It was my fault. We were on a break once. I begged her to come back. Then i gavce her the choice to either break up or stay with me. She picked stay. Then a month or less later she cheats on me. WHERE IS HER RATIONALITY? i want revenge but i am not giving in. I am not going to shrink down to a level that is not even where she is. I wanted to stay friends with her! HAHAHA i don't think so any more. I'm fed up of people doing this to me. I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS!! NON!!! I have been nothing but loyal to her. I loved her. I want to warn the world about her. I want to warn future guys so they don't get hurt as i did...
She even had the nerve to call me immature sometimes during the relationship. ( thats when i joked around)... This action is immature. She has alot to learn about life. And i want to tell her abot her wrong doings. Put her on the right path.... Oh i just remembered that she also said "i said fuck it, i'm going to the guys place to be comforted. I'm not going to wait for Phil".... Who said you had to wait?????? i wasn;t going to crawl back to you.. This is how conceited she is. You give her a compliment and she says "i know" never has she once said thank you... never. SHe thinks that she knows everyything about love and relationships. but no she does not. And someone needs to tell her this.. i cannot type anymore. If i do i will be writing a book. And i just want to put all this behind me. I have to move on. I want to move on. But it will be a difficult task for me. And i still have to go to Toronto and write my exam this saturday.
bye...
The biggest heart broken guy in the world as of last night.....
Phil
p.s--i have thougt of suicide. Its the truth no lie. But i am not that weak for it. I will live on.. share this whole story with others. show them who i am. I do need comforting and words..

Shit i'm stressed now