well.. it's about 4am, and it looks as though im finally going to bed. i havent been able to sleep... for awhile now. so ive been staying up rather late each night. tonight... my entertainment was once again, the viewing of fight club.
it's hard being such a romantic... i've been away from k, for what will soon be 2 months. and they have been the longest 2 months i have ever experienced! and i cant say that im any closer to accepting things. you see... i never half-ass being with someone. i throw my whole self out there. and im either accepted, or denied, on the basis of who i really am. sounds like a good philosophy. at least... you' d think it does. till it fails for some unforseen reason(s), and you come tumbling back down to earth... and feel like the guy you hear about in time life. the one who jumped out of a plane, parachute didnt work, bounced when he hit the ground, and lived. i feel like him... or at least... what i'd be thinking in his place. the whole way down... thinking that i was going to die, then hitting the ground! redefining all my previous definitions of PAIN, but thankful to be alive. then... slowly feeling my body lifting back up into the air... and realize... that word will be redefined again... in spades!!!
bascially... just when you things couldnt get any worse... they usually do. i hate missing her... i hate having fallen in love with someone who after falling in love themselves... ran away to live out her "college life".
i am not special...
i am not a unique and beautiful snoflake...
