drhawk

There are certain moments I've experienced in the last few months where it seems that things are turning around. that things might start to go in the direction that they were intended to go. I've experience one of these moments recently. but yet again it has been false. sometimes i think i'm gonna catch a break and i get right up to that point when the rug gets pulled right from under me. it's sad to say but i'm kind of getting used to it. but this time it seemed to hit me harder than some of the others. i just wish i knew how to remove myself from this rut.

i often think about how my life was prior to military life. i wasn't as responsible as i am now. but my life used to make sense. i was happy. i had family, friends, and God. I used to live life in a way that i was proud of. I struggled in certain areas but it was still good. I only wish i could find that place again. Find that happiness. The military has treated me well in certain areas. but i'd trade all that to be in that place of satisfaction. i live my life now just missing things. I miss my family. i miss my friends. I miss God. I miss my wife and Bryce.

Well, soon there will be some changes in my life. it looks like i'll be changing bases pretty soon. I wanted to stay here and possibly go into the guard so i can go back home. but now i'm thinking this might be good for me. maybe i should leave here and enter into a whole new environment. start fresh. by the looks of it i may end up in Vegas, Pheonix, or somewhere in Florida. we'll see. a few months to go...

i guess i'm still confused. where should i go from here?