Yeah so I haven't written anything of sunstance in a while. Now that I think of it I haven't done what anyone would consider a "blog" about myself in ages. I used to be a daily blogger years ago, but over the course of the past 5 years, I have shut myself out from the world. Not sure exactly why I am writing this down here, I guess its because I don'twant to bother my close friends with my problems, or maybe I have just gotten out of the habit of showing when I'm in pain. I always bottle it up and keep a straight face.
I guess the stems from the fact that I been having bad dreams about my ex fiance. We split up 8 years ago, but over the past couple weeks she has been haunting my dreams, which brings me down. She is a wretched person, she uses and hurts people, and its definantly for the better that I booted her out of my life a few years back after she made an attempt to be my friend again. I wonder sometimes if the reason why we remember the ones that hurt us the are the ones we loved the most, and nothing has come along to give you better memories?
I have to give the devil her due, she was the only person to make me feel like a human being and not some giant monster(because of my physical size). My my postulation is correct. I try to remember the good in people, but just when it gets to ther point where I am smiling, the negative side of things takes over and I feel miserable. All the happy times we had are overshadowed by the lies, her drug abuse, and her unfaithfulness. As much as I hate thinking this, and I hate it even more saying it, I do miss her, I miss when she was honest with me and sober. Am I wrong to be thinking this way?
I don't know why I am writing this here, perhaps the company of strangers is needed over the company of friends from time to time.
I guess the stems from the fact that I been having bad dreams about my ex fiance. We split up 8 years ago, but over the past couple weeks she has been haunting my dreams, which brings me down. She is a wretched person, she uses and hurts people, and its definantly for the better that I booted her out of my life a few years back after she made an attempt to be my friend again. I wonder sometimes if the reason why we remember the ones that hurt us the are the ones we loved the most, and nothing has come along to give you better memories?
I have to give the devil her due, she was the only person to make me feel like a human being and not some giant monster(because of my physical size). My my postulation is correct. I try to remember the good in people, but just when it gets to ther point where I am smiling, the negative side of things takes over and I feel miserable. All the happy times we had are overshadowed by the lies, her drug abuse, and her unfaithfulness. As much as I hate thinking this, and I hate it even more saying it, I do miss her, I miss when she was honest with me and sober. Am I wrong to be thinking this way?
I don't know why I am writing this here, perhaps the company of strangers is needed over the company of friends from time to time.