dree

Tomorrow is the day that my ex moves out of his parent's house and into his new apartment. He is moving in with his friend Kevin, his best friend Tommy's sister, and Tommy's sister's girlfriend. I don't know why but I'm feeling really uneasy about him moving out of his parents house and living on his own. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe because he's gaining independence in a way, while I feel like I'm being left behind? Maybe because I'm worried/scared of the parties they will have that I won't be apart of or the thought of other girls there. Or maybe because I know now that I will probably never see him now. Not like we have been... but if him living across town from me was such a hassle and he didn't have the gas to come see me, then him living in the next city over will completely crush my hopes of at least just going to lunch or something with him.

Is it really too much to ask just to go get lunch? Or even for him to come get his stuff? Which I still fucking have...

I think the thought of not being able to see him ever is what bothers me the most. He makes up excuses all the time to not see me. He has no gas, he has work, he's with friends, someone stole the tags off his car.. That's a big sign that he really doesn't want to see me and that he's over it and I'm just not accepting this huge hint being throw at me.

Then why does he still continue to text me all on his own to just see what I'm up to?

Yesterday though I did text him in the morning. I don't know why I had this urge but I texted him saying goodmorning and that I hope had a good day. He texted back wishing me a good day too and a few texts after that, that were really nothing but it wasn't a bad conversation. I felt eased and happy I did. That night though I texted him saying "NightynightQT", just taking a risk. I don't know what I really expected out of him after I said that. I braced myself for something mean in response but I never got a reply back. I thought of three reasons why he might have not responded. 1, He was already asleep. 2, He was with friends and or drunk. 3, He just blew me off. I'm leaning more towards 2 though. He hasn't contacted me at all today. It's 12:01AM and still nothing. I hate how I waiting. Especially waiting for something that probably won't happen. He probably won't contact me tomorrow either because of the whole moving situation. Then again the longest we have gone without talking to each other since our break up has only been a day.

I have also come to the conclusion that I will be giving his stuff to our friend David so that he can just give it to him. It's been around three months now. I have to stop kidding myself and saying that maybe today he'll actually come.... it's time for it to go. That will happen probably around wednesday.

Till then, I wait...