dravenraine

I am so sorry I haven't been on here lately, just going thru a hard time right now and not doing so good. I know it will be better soon, its just hard to think that far away.Everything I have pushed aside in my mind is coming down on me hard and fast and its fuckin with my head and fuckin up my world. I haven't even been staying at my house cause of all this shit. But I am back at my house now. I am going to get some ink done very soon, the pain helps. And I will be throwing myself into working on my car just to keep my mind off of things.I am slowly losing it and I need to keep busy to stay in control. I started packing up things in the house and that helps a little...its so empty here without him. I have got to talk to him the last 2 days, only for like 10 minutes at the most. The calls have been horrible though, he is so down and we both end up crying the whole time. It will be better soon though, the first couple of weeks of AIT is the hardest, so we just have to get past that. Then I will get to go see him, and that will make it alot better. November seems so far away, I wish it would hurry and get here. I keeping staring at the calendar and that doesn't help. This is the best thing for us, but its just so damn hard and its hard to see any positive things right now. I have done good though, I usually end up shopping way to much and changing my hair when I get this down, but I have managed to not shop like crazy and my hair is still the same. So thats good, I guess. I am off to pack some more, and wait for 7:30 to get here ( thats when Jaybaby calls) I need to talk to him and let him know it will all be okay. Thanks so much to aerosolinvasion you have really helped me out alot with understanding everything about this life in the army, and thanks so much for writing to Jay, I know it will help him out alot!

Music for today: Mazzy Star and Bjork