You just can't stop fucking with me, can you?
Did I run over Jesus's cat or something? Is that why fate is just making me it's bitch on a daily basis? Not up to speed? Well lets fix that?
Im unemployed because my former boss has no spine and because his boss is a colosal douchebag. So now I have to apply for unemployment. But my former employer also took their sweet fucking time getting me my W-2. So I finally got it tuseday, and I immediately scheduled an appointment to get my taxes done because I have a pretty sweet return coming and I have about $9 dollars to my name until my unemployment comes in. The soonest time to get my taxes done was today at 11.
Do you know what else was today? My phone interview for my unemployment benefits, which I could've sworn was set for tomorrow. So Im in the middle of my appointment getting my taxes done when my cell phone rings. I just put in on silent without checking to see who it was. Well after my taxes are done and I find out that Im getting about $2100 back, my tax guy realizes that I have been audited for my 2007 return, which he did, and decided that he has to look into that. Which means that he cant do this year's return until that is taken care of. So he told me that I should get my return sometime in mid February. WHAT??!!?? Did you miss that part where I told you that Im broke and unemployed, you asshole!!!
So I leave his office with nothing but my jacket in hand. I couldnt kill him because he hasnt done my tax return yet. That and the fact that he looks a little like Sylar from Heroes and that creeps me out a bit. I get into my car and notice that I have a voicemail. I had totally forgotten about the missed call. I listen to the voice mail and realize that it was the phone interview for my unepmloyment benefits. The voicemail reminds me that we had an appointment today and that judgement will be reached on my case by the end of the day, and to give them a call ASAP.
HERE'S THER FUCKING PROBLEM.
The 800 number that they give you is an automated message. There are no more human beings that work for our government anymore. Its all computers. NOW EXPLAIN THAT TO ME PLEASE! WHY, IN A STATE WHERE UNEMPLOYMENT IS AT A REDICULOUS FUCKING LEVEL, AM I TALKING TO A MACHINE!!??!! DOESN'T IT SEEM TO FIT THAT IF YOU GOT RID OF ALL OF THESE LIFELESS BLOODLESS ANNOYING FUCKING MACHINES, AND PUT ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS THERE, THIS MIGHT CREATE A FUCKING SHIT LOAD OF JOBS!!!
But I digress. So after 10 minutes of listening to this damn machine, I finally get to the menu option that I have been looking for. And this is when I completely lose my shit. I will give you the play by play on my mental break down.
The message says,"We are currrently receiving more calls than we can take"
NO YOURE NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARENT ANSWERING ANY OF THESE FUCKING CALLS!! IVE CALLED 10 TIMES IN THE PAST 2 WEEKS AND HAVE NEVER ONCE HEARD A HUMAN VOICE!!!!
The message says,"To speak to a personal representative, the best times to call are before 8am and after 6pm"
NO ITS NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOVERNMENT OFFICE!! YOU WORK FROM 9 TO 5, NO NIGHTS, NO WEEKENDS, NO OVERTIME, NO HOLIDAYS!!
The message says,"and the best days to call are wednesday and thursday'
NO ITS FUCKING NOT, BECAUSE TODAY IS WEDNESDAY AND I AM BEING DRIVEN TO UTTER MADNESS BY A FUCKING MACHINE!!
The message says,"Goodbye" AND THEN FUCKING HANGS UP ON ME
And this is when the little rage demon in my head starts kicking the inside of my skull, trying to get out. So let me get this straight, if I want to talk to a human being about my unemployment, I have to call on non business hours on 2 out of the 7 days of the week? Are you fuck tards hiring because this government gig sounds sweets.
To my government, I say fuck you. To my former bosses, I say if you ever see me out on the street....run, because Im going to split your head open. I have no criminal record, and Ill probably only get probabtion for a first offense. So Im going to make this first one count.
And for everyone else, Im going to leave you with this little diddy, because I cant be the only one who can relate to this song right now
enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC4Pin-hI_8
Did I run over Jesus's cat or something? Is that why fate is just making me it's bitch on a daily basis? Not up to speed? Well lets fix that?
Im unemployed because my former boss has no spine and because his boss is a colosal douchebag. So now I have to apply for unemployment. But my former employer also took their sweet fucking time getting me my W-2. So I finally got it tuseday, and I immediately scheduled an appointment to get my taxes done because I have a pretty sweet return coming and I have about $9 dollars to my name until my unemployment comes in. The soonest time to get my taxes done was today at 11.
Do you know what else was today? My phone interview for my unemployment benefits, which I could've sworn was set for tomorrow. So Im in the middle of my appointment getting my taxes done when my cell phone rings. I just put in on silent without checking to see who it was. Well after my taxes are done and I find out that Im getting about $2100 back, my tax guy realizes that I have been audited for my 2007 return, which he did, and decided that he has to look into that. Which means that he cant do this year's return until that is taken care of. So he told me that I should get my return sometime in mid February. WHAT??!!?? Did you miss that part where I told you that Im broke and unemployed, you asshole!!!
So I leave his office with nothing but my jacket in hand. I couldnt kill him because he hasnt done my tax return yet. That and the fact that he looks a little like Sylar from Heroes and that creeps me out a bit. I get into my car and notice that I have a voicemail. I had totally forgotten about the missed call. I listen to the voice mail and realize that it was the phone interview for my unepmloyment benefits. The voicemail reminds me that we had an appointment today and that judgement will be reached on my case by the end of the day, and to give them a call ASAP.
HERE'S THER FUCKING PROBLEM.
The 800 number that they give you is an automated message. There are no more human beings that work for our government anymore. Its all computers. NOW EXPLAIN THAT TO ME PLEASE! WHY, IN A STATE WHERE UNEMPLOYMENT IS AT A REDICULOUS FUCKING LEVEL, AM I TALKING TO A MACHINE!!??!! DOESN'T IT SEEM TO FIT THAT IF YOU GOT RID OF ALL OF THESE LIFELESS BLOODLESS ANNOYING FUCKING MACHINES, AND PUT ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS THERE, THIS MIGHT CREATE A FUCKING SHIT LOAD OF JOBS!!!
But I digress. So after 10 minutes of listening to this damn machine, I finally get to the menu option that I have been looking for. And this is when I completely lose my shit. I will give you the play by play on my mental break down.
The message says,"We are currrently receiving more calls than we can take"
NO YOURE NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARENT ANSWERING ANY OF THESE FUCKING CALLS!! IVE CALLED 10 TIMES IN THE PAST 2 WEEKS AND HAVE NEVER ONCE HEARD A HUMAN VOICE!!!!
The message says,"To speak to a personal representative, the best times to call are before 8am and after 6pm"
NO ITS NOT, BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOVERNMENT OFFICE!! YOU WORK FROM 9 TO 5, NO NIGHTS, NO WEEKENDS, NO OVERTIME, NO HOLIDAYS!!
The message says,"and the best days to call are wednesday and thursday'
NO ITS FUCKING NOT, BECAUSE TODAY IS WEDNESDAY AND I AM BEING DRIVEN TO UTTER MADNESS BY A FUCKING MACHINE!!
The message says,"Goodbye" AND THEN FUCKING HANGS UP ON ME
And this is when the little rage demon in my head starts kicking the inside of my skull, trying to get out. So let me get this straight, if I want to talk to a human being about my unemployment, I have to call on non business hours on 2 out of the 7 days of the week? Are you fuck tards hiring because this government gig sounds sweets.
To my government, I say fuck you. To my former bosses, I say if you ever see me out on the street....run, because Im going to split your head open. I have no criminal record, and Ill probably only get probabtion for a first offense. So Im going to make this first one count.
And for everyone else, Im going to leave you with this little diddy, because I cant be the only one who can relate to this song right now
enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC4Pin-hI_8
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
comixbookgurl:
Awww I'll stab someone!
draven7794:
you know you have true friend when they are willing to perform physical violence for you :-)