fuck it.
i never update anymore and thats because josh started reading this..
but he only ever reads it if i accidently mention SG so screw it.
i'm going to start pouring my heart out again
and if he happens to read it then fine, its how i feel anyway..
i just need to vent.
_________________________________________________
i always put 110% into my relationships.. i treat my man like a fucking king.
he needs me, im there. he wants something, i figure out a way to give it to him.
and thats fine.. i love it, i enjoy making him happy.
im not complaining about not being appreciated, or not getting the same in return
because i am, and i do.. he's so good to me and he does care about me.
what hurts though.. is falling in love.. doing all this...
and knowing he doesn't love you back.
it makes you feel so pathetic, makes you think what you could be doing wrong...
what did his ex have that i didnt? what made him tell her that he loved her after just a month..
she was a fat, whinning fucking bitch who cried over fucking everything
and here i am staying up all night with him when he's sick, trying all i can to make sure he feels better... i just dont understand.
as i'm leaving his room after the second night of taking care of him,
i said i love you as i was shutting the door..
i did it because if the door was shut, and he didnt say it back
at least i wouldn't have known because i had shut the door..
and maybe a small part of me was wishing, he would text me saying "i love you too"
well, that plan didn't work.. because when shutting the door,
i heard that groan he makes when he doesnt like something..
and it crushed me.. i didn't think something as small as that could crush me but it did.
the kind of crushing where you have to try your hardest to hold that lump in your throat until you get home
i couldn't unlock my door fast enough.. thank god no one was in the hallway
and if they were, i didnt notice.. my eyes were too clouded.
i never update anymore and thats because josh started reading this..
but he only ever reads it if i accidently mention SG so screw it.
i'm going to start pouring my heart out again
and if he happens to read it then fine, its how i feel anyway..
i just need to vent.
_________________________________________________
i always put 110% into my relationships.. i treat my man like a fucking king.
he needs me, im there. he wants something, i figure out a way to give it to him.
and thats fine.. i love it, i enjoy making him happy.
im not complaining about not being appreciated, or not getting the same in return
because i am, and i do.. he's so good to me and he does care about me.
what hurts though.. is falling in love.. doing all this...
and knowing he doesn't love you back.
it makes you feel so pathetic, makes you think what you could be doing wrong...
what did his ex have that i didnt? what made him tell her that he loved her after just a month..
she was a fat, whinning fucking bitch who cried over fucking everything
and here i am staying up all night with him when he's sick, trying all i can to make sure he feels better... i just dont understand.
as i'm leaving his room after the second night of taking care of him,
i said i love you as i was shutting the door..
i did it because if the door was shut, and he didnt say it back
at least i wouldn't have known because i had shut the door..
and maybe a small part of me was wishing, he would text me saying "i love you too"
well, that plan didn't work.. because when shutting the door,
i heard that groan he makes when he doesnt like something..
and it crushed me.. i didn't think something as small as that could crush me but it did.
the kind of crushing where you have to try your hardest to hold that lump in your throat until you get home
i couldn't unlock my door fast enough.. thank god no one was in the hallway
and if they were, i didnt notice.. my eyes were too clouded.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
mtn_man:
It's tough for guys to say "I love you" sometimes. I think in many ways we almost feel more pressure for it than girls. We want to make sure that when we say it we really mean it. Girls tend to throw it out a bit more, it doesn't mean he isn't in love with you, he just wants to make sure.
entese:
i think you deserve something way better than him so the only lesson you can take from that is that youre really able to love so much and thats is a good thing