I'm sitting at my desk analysing my feelings. I understand the cause of my own issues, my own anxiety, and that weird sort of self defeating attitude where when you think it's not working out so you just tell yourself that you don't deserve the things you think will make you a happier person.
So I know what the problem is, how do I cut it out? Can I remove that part of me that wants to be around people, that wants to find acceptance or a sense of connectedness? Wouldn't it be better if I didn't want to have other people in my life? I don't want to feel like I need love.
I think about all this, and I want to say fuck it. I also listen to Daly City Train, nearly every day and it makes me want to really LIVE and i mean live with that reckless abandon. It seems like I should be giving up on human contact. If I don't want it then I can't lose it. If there's only me, then me is all I can be.
He was an artist and a writer
and a poet and a friend
In a man's life he will take a fall
but how low he goes it just depends
He's shooting dope in the men's room
at the station daly city train
Have you ever seen an angel well I know I have
they'll stay here for a while and then they'll fly away
Jackyl had a beer in his hand last time I seen him
When he rolled the dice he never thought twice
never thought twice about being him
Some grown up and some grow old
but what about the kid who never learned the rules
Spent all these years on this earth
when you look back it's just a flicker of time
Jackyl was one of the one's that perished
He was one of the one's that was already saved
Through all the evil and wreckage
he maintained a sense of himself
Some men are in prison even though they walk the streets at night
Other men who got the lockdown are free as a bird in flight
I was feeling a bit like this:
And a lot like this
The worst thing I can think of, is to think that this is how it's going to be so I should just accept it. I'd rather change my life, or how I feel about life, and take out those bits that put me in these situations to begin with.
So I know what the problem is, how do I cut it out? Can I remove that part of me that wants to be around people, that wants to find acceptance or a sense of connectedness? Wouldn't it be better if I didn't want to have other people in my life? I don't want to feel like I need love.
I think about all this, and I want to say fuck it. I also listen to Daly City Train, nearly every day and it makes me want to really LIVE and i mean live with that reckless abandon. It seems like I should be giving up on human contact. If I don't want it then I can't lose it. If there's only me, then me is all I can be.
He was an artist and a writer
and a poet and a friend
In a man's life he will take a fall
but how low he goes it just depends
He's shooting dope in the men's room
at the station daly city train
Have you ever seen an angel well I know I have
they'll stay here for a while and then they'll fly away
Jackyl had a beer in his hand last time I seen him
When he rolled the dice he never thought twice
never thought twice about being him
Some grown up and some grow old
but what about the kid who never learned the rules
Spent all these years on this earth
when you look back it's just a flicker of time
Jackyl was one of the one's that perished
He was one of the one's that was already saved
Through all the evil and wreckage
he maintained a sense of himself
Some men are in prison even though they walk the streets at night
Other men who got the lockdown are free as a bird in flight
I was feeling a bit like this:
And a lot like this
The worst thing I can think of, is to think that this is how it's going to be so I should just accept it. I'd rather change my life, or how I feel about life, and take out those bits that put me in these situations to begin with.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cherrytrash:
I can completely relate, and awesome choice of music btw <3
kay:
Do you think you could live life without having the regret of "cutting out" whatever "it" is?