dragunceol

I fucked up big time...but he was dumping me anways......he missed Laura..and that didnt hurt half as much as what I did to fuck things up hurt. I am cutting off all contact with him and his friends (which sucks cause they were becomming my friends too) for a while...until I can face him again. I just hope he can see why I did what I did and atleast understand my POV.
I realise I've made some stupid mistakes and some very wrong decisions in my life that have gotten me to this point....my all time low. I have 2 friends......Adam (who is currently w/o power, water and sewage tahnks to Frances) and Holly......I have no one else. And it's all my fault. I drove Nikki away after I found out what kind of selfish and dumb person she is......and I'm just as bad as her. She betrayed me.....then (because of the same situation) I just betrayed someone else because I was being a selfish and dumb brat. I didnt even think about his POV in the situation until I dumped it in his lap. I didnt think he could possibly be mad about this until I told him and he was. All I could think about was how humiliating the situation could be. And how I just wanted to ignore the whole thing. Which I know is selfish and stupid...cause you just cant ignore something like that. I've been in denial for too long, and it's costing me too much. The whole situation is just wrong...and I made it worse, not just for myself...but for 2 innocent people. If there is an afterlife, I diserve to go to Hell just for this alone. Even if nothing comes of it....there's still a chance....no matter how slim it is....it's still there. I wish he could read this and understand how shitty it made me feel, but I dont diserve that from him..........I'm gonna crawl under a hole now. I'm gonna go back to being a loner like I used to be.....sorry Adam for dissapointing you....I know you wanted me to come out of my shell, but I think my shell is the safest place for me right now.....cause then I cant hurt anyone else.