Music: Siouxie & the Banshees, "Face to Face"
Today was horrible. I had to wake myself up with my alarm clock (cell phone) at 10am (WAAAY early for me). I'm one of those people who need to wake up on their own. If I have to be woken up it takes me forever to just get out of bed, much less be awake and aware. So I get to work at noon and the air conditioner is broken. I'm a cook, right now I'm stuck flipping steaks, one step above flipping burgers. So if the thermostat say 90, guess what kind of temps *I* have to deal with while standing in front of a very hot broiler? So about 4 they get it fixed. By the end of the night (I closed) the thermostat still was at 82. By the end of the night I was getting dizzy spells, and yes, I was drinking PLENTY of water. Right, so it's much buisier than we expected, so that means I don't get to spend time with my family. Sux, I was kinda looking forward to that. When I finally get done cleaning up, I take a sneak peek at next weeks scedual. Guess what? I have to work next Sat. After having requested the day off because one of my best friends J. is comming into town. The only way I can get the day off is to convince the guy who works Mon-Fri days to work Sat. night for me while I work Friday morning for him. Which will also suck because I'll need to be there, awake and aware at 8am Friday morning. Yea, RIGHT, like that's gonna happen. Plus with missing last Monday at the club, (dancing is how I relax and meditate) I'm already kinda stressed. Now I'm really stressed. I HAVE to make it out tomorrow night. I need to dance and drink the night away. Finding a way there might be a bit difficult, because I have to work tomorrow and don't know how late I'm gonna be there.
Then there is H. since I was unable to get her number the last time I saw her I have been unable to speak with her. My mind has been ablaze with questions about the attraction between us, and it is deffinatly there. What are her intentons, desires, etc..., out of the attraction between us, that is.
It's been years since I was in a real relationship, about 6 or 7 actually. I'm extremly ready for a new one. I want to do this one right, that means no sex for me for a while. That is something that's necessary for me, too often I confuse sex with love and I know that as much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now, I'd do that. I don't know how many more times I can survive my heart being broken. I have a very strong spirit, almost nothing keeps me down for very long, just as long as I can do my own particular form of meditation.
Even the death of the person I cared for most in this world couldn't keep me down for, well relatively, long. She wouldn't want that anyway. I still miss her, yes. I will miss her until the day I die. As Gary Numan says, "No grave holds our love for you." and none ever will.
Anyway, my spirit. I don't know how many more heartbreaks I can handle. I never thought I would get over Becki's death, but I have. I thought I would never get over the hell that was New Orleans for me, but I pretty much have. So much heartbreak, so many dissapointments, I'm surprised I'm not more bitter than I am. That's not me, though. Bitter people just annoy me. That's one of the things I find most ugly about a person. The greatest revenge is to live and live well, I believe that totally.
Wow, that's long. I could go on, so much I want to write about....
DM
Today was horrible. I had to wake myself up with my alarm clock (cell phone) at 10am (WAAAY early for me). I'm one of those people who need to wake up on their own. If I have to be woken up it takes me forever to just get out of bed, much less be awake and aware. So I get to work at noon and the air conditioner is broken. I'm a cook, right now I'm stuck flipping steaks, one step above flipping burgers. So if the thermostat say 90, guess what kind of temps *I* have to deal with while standing in front of a very hot broiler? So about 4 they get it fixed. By the end of the night (I closed) the thermostat still was at 82. By the end of the night I was getting dizzy spells, and yes, I was drinking PLENTY of water. Right, so it's much buisier than we expected, so that means I don't get to spend time with my family. Sux, I was kinda looking forward to that. When I finally get done cleaning up, I take a sneak peek at next weeks scedual. Guess what? I have to work next Sat. After having requested the day off because one of my best friends J. is comming into town. The only way I can get the day off is to convince the guy who works Mon-Fri days to work Sat. night for me while I work Friday morning for him. Which will also suck because I'll need to be there, awake and aware at 8am Friday morning. Yea, RIGHT, like that's gonna happen. Plus with missing last Monday at the club, (dancing is how I relax and meditate) I'm already kinda stressed. Now I'm really stressed. I HAVE to make it out tomorrow night. I need to dance and drink the night away. Finding a way there might be a bit difficult, because I have to work tomorrow and don't know how late I'm gonna be there.
Then there is H. since I was unable to get her number the last time I saw her I have been unable to speak with her. My mind has been ablaze with questions about the attraction between us, and it is deffinatly there. What are her intentons, desires, etc..., out of the attraction between us, that is.
It's been years since I was in a real relationship, about 6 or 7 actually. I'm extremly ready for a new one. I want to do this one right, that means no sex for me for a while. That is something that's necessary for me, too often I confuse sex with love and I know that as much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now, I'd do that. I don't know how many more times I can survive my heart being broken. I have a very strong spirit, almost nothing keeps me down for very long, just as long as I can do my own particular form of meditation.
Even the death of the person I cared for most in this world couldn't keep me down for, well relatively, long. She wouldn't want that anyway. I still miss her, yes. I will miss her until the day I die. As Gary Numan says, "No grave holds our love for you." and none ever will.
Anyway, my spirit. I don't know how many more heartbreaks I can handle. I never thought I would get over Becki's death, but I have. I thought I would never get over the hell that was New Orleans for me, but I pretty much have. So much heartbreak, so many dissapointments, I'm surprised I'm not more bitter than I am. That's not me, though. Bitter people just annoy me. That's one of the things I find most ugly about a person. The greatest revenge is to live and live well, I believe that totally.
Wow, that's long. I could go on, so much I want to write about....
DM