Ok so..........
Real update................
I'm fucking stoked as all hell about the instore/autograph signing this Friday, because not only is that happening...but I get to drive to the venue, PICK HIM UP IN MY CAR, drive him back to the store, let them do their thang, and then drive them back and hang out for the rest of the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I will be shitting my pants for the rest of the week.
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In other news...my parents have been flipping out on me. Two weeks ago, they asked me if I was on drugs. Why? Because they thought that the reason I won't go get a 'real job' is because I think I'll get drug tested, and I won't pass.
WHICH IS BULLFUCKINGSHIT.
Not only is that a ridiculous assumption, but the fact that I've finally gotten myself clean, and on the right track to bettering myself, they bring this up. When I was in college and hiding EVERYTHING from them, they didn't question me. I told them exactly what they wanted to hear, and now that I'm trying to express my real self to them, and show them how happy I am, and how I'm enjoying my life, and discovering who I am without the haze of drugs wearing on me....I get fucking chastized. You know...I've come a long fucking way from who I was. I had a lot of fucked up wrong shit happen to me, that *I* got myself out of, and repaired my soul....I'm not afraid to be myself around them anymore, so I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not for them.
So, considering that, I wanted to tell my mom that I'm planning on getting another tattoo on my upper right arm. You know, be the good girl, and tell them before hand, not try and hide it.She flipped. She knows about all my others, but this time it was just things like, "You don't know what you're doing to yourself...I don't think you understand the reprocutions...it's bodily mutilation....you're breaking my heart...I will never accept it...yadda yadda..." And of course, I told her, no. I do understand what I'm doing. It's my body. It's my choice. I don't agree with your reasoning. Your comments are not going to change my mind.....
She calls me (while I'm straightening out the strap-ons mind you), and leaves me this 8 minute long message about how she is not going to tell my father this, but that she can't support my decision because it's morally wrong, and her helping me financially will stop (though I thought it did anyway by handing me over the car-that was the last thing they had over me...so I was prepaired to not 'receive' financial help anymore), and how she thinks I don't understand the reprocutions for 30 years down the road, and that it's disgusting, and yet she loves me no matter what, I'll always be her 'beautiful' daughter, but she had to say this, and she understands I may never talk to her again because I'll be so upset, yadda yadda yadda......
I'm at the point now that I want to tell her everything that's ever happened to me-but I know she would never forgive herself for letting those things happen...she would turn it into 'her' fault for not being a 'good enough' mother....it's ridiculous. She comes from a very overly oppressive Catholic tradition. She and my father are racist. They are close minded. They are Republican. I don't kow how I came out the way I did. But I'm very glad I did so. I could never make them understand me...all I ask for is acceptance, tolerance. I don't want to be hounded for the rest of my life by them for having the 'mark of the devil' on me. I want them to get over it, and love me for me. Because right now...they don't. No matter how much they say so or actually believe so. Because if they did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I emailed my mom and told her I got her message, but I wasn't going to address it now because I have a lot of other creative projects on my plate, and I didn't want her to think that because I didnt' respond, it was because I was ignoring her, becaue I hate her. Becaue I don't. I am going to address many of her concerns. But I want to be able to sit down and think them out because I know what I say now is going to affect our relationship for the rest of our lives. I know I'm not going to run. I know I'm going to be truthful, and if she can't accept that...well I guess I won't be hanging out much at the homestead.
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Ok...so...now for my shitty roomate.
Remember all the problems I was having with him, and not paying rent/bills on time & waiting till the last minute...well for February, I gave him an ultimatum...if he wasn't going to be respectful of his responsibilities to that household, I would find someone else who would. So......before affirming that someone else would be moving in and taking over, he finds a new place. Moved his furniture out last weekend, but leaves a. his trash, b. his clothes, c. his shampoo & sponge, d. all of his posters on the walls, e. HIS FUCKING PET RATS!!!!!
Umm....that would have been the first thing I took care of. But nooooo. He leaves them in his cold room with no heat, on the floor, and leaves his bedroom door open so my cat goes in and fucks with them.
He calls me Wednesday night to tell me he's 'borrowing' MY DVD'S.
?
What the fuck ever happened to asking?
He still doesn't take his rats...I come home after he's left that message...cat's fucking with the rats...all the lights in the house are blaring...blinds wide open.
No. Fuck that. I called and left him a message and told him exactly what he had to do. A. come get his rats, B. not leave the lights on, C. get the rest of his fucking shit.
Don't hear or see him for 4 days. I fed his rats Saturday night because I'm pretty sure they hadn't been fed in at least 2 days. I go to work yesterday and come home to find he's taken the rats, most of his shit-including the Black Sabbath poster he said he'd leave because it matched my couch....leaves some random boxes in his bedroom...did NOT clean the rat funk out...leaves some posters on the wall in the living room.
So, *I* take them down for him. I throw his sponge & his shampoo in his room...I put all of the rest of his fucking shit in his room to get-and that includes his food out of the fridge. It is rotting in there as I write this.
I call and leave a message asking when he will be back to clean up his room and get the rest of his shit, he needs to leave a forwarding mailing address for his mail, he is still responsible for electricity until he is completely cleaned and out of that apartment and handed me his keys.
Obviously I haven't heard back yet.
Oh, and one more thing.....HE STILL HASN'T RETURNED MY DVD'S THAT I *TOLD* HIM TO DO......Both seasons of Family Guy....those are kind of pricy to replace...
So....what can you do to help? Well, luckily, he's a member of SuicideGirls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lucky us.....his screen name is geekwithaguitar. Go leave him messages on his profile telling him how disrespectful and immature he is. Tell him he needs to return my things, hand over his keys, and grow the fuck up. Tell him that unless he gives me his due, I WILL take the next proper step...and fucking trust me....I've got some SHIT up my sleeve.............
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note....I'm shooting my set this Sunday for SG. Wish me mucho luck!!!
I love all you guys...thanks for being so supportive of me.
Real update................
I'm fucking stoked as all hell about the instore/autograph signing this Friday, because not only is that happening...but I get to drive to the venue, PICK HIM UP IN MY CAR, drive him back to the store, let them do their thang, and then drive them back and hang out for the rest of the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I just say...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I will be shitting my pants for the rest of the week.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news...my parents have been flipping out on me. Two weeks ago, they asked me if I was on drugs. Why? Because they thought that the reason I won't go get a 'real job' is because I think I'll get drug tested, and I won't pass.
WHICH IS BULLFUCKINGSHIT.
Not only is that a ridiculous assumption, but the fact that I've finally gotten myself clean, and on the right track to bettering myself, they bring this up. When I was in college and hiding EVERYTHING from them, they didn't question me. I told them exactly what they wanted to hear, and now that I'm trying to express my real self to them, and show them how happy I am, and how I'm enjoying my life, and discovering who I am without the haze of drugs wearing on me....I get fucking chastized. You know...I've come a long fucking way from who I was. I had a lot of fucked up wrong shit happen to me, that *I* got myself out of, and repaired my soul....I'm not afraid to be myself around them anymore, so I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not for them.
So, considering that, I wanted to tell my mom that I'm planning on getting another tattoo on my upper right arm. You know, be the good girl, and tell them before hand, not try and hide it.She flipped. She knows about all my others, but this time it was just things like, "You don't know what you're doing to yourself...I don't think you understand the reprocutions...it's bodily mutilation....you're breaking my heart...I will never accept it...yadda yadda..." And of course, I told her, no. I do understand what I'm doing. It's my body. It's my choice. I don't agree with your reasoning. Your comments are not going to change my mind.....
She calls me (while I'm straightening out the strap-ons mind you), and leaves me this 8 minute long message about how she is not going to tell my father this, but that she can't support my decision because it's morally wrong, and her helping me financially will stop (though I thought it did anyway by handing me over the car-that was the last thing they had over me...so I was prepaired to not 'receive' financial help anymore), and how she thinks I don't understand the reprocutions for 30 years down the road, and that it's disgusting, and yet she loves me no matter what, I'll always be her 'beautiful' daughter, but she had to say this, and she understands I may never talk to her again because I'll be so upset, yadda yadda yadda......
I'm at the point now that I want to tell her everything that's ever happened to me-but I know she would never forgive herself for letting those things happen...she would turn it into 'her' fault for not being a 'good enough' mother....it's ridiculous. She comes from a very overly oppressive Catholic tradition. She and my father are racist. They are close minded. They are Republican. I don't kow how I came out the way I did. But I'm very glad I did so. I could never make them understand me...all I ask for is acceptance, tolerance. I don't want to be hounded for the rest of my life by them for having the 'mark of the devil' on me. I want them to get over it, and love me for me. Because right now...they don't. No matter how much they say so or actually believe so. Because if they did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I emailed my mom and told her I got her message, but I wasn't going to address it now because I have a lot of other creative projects on my plate, and I didn't want her to think that because I didnt' respond, it was because I was ignoring her, becaue I hate her. Becaue I don't. I am going to address many of her concerns. But I want to be able to sit down and think them out because I know what I say now is going to affect our relationship for the rest of our lives. I know I'm not going to run. I know I'm going to be truthful, and if she can't accept that...well I guess I won't be hanging out much at the homestead.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok...so...now for my shitty roomate.
Remember all the problems I was having with him, and not paying rent/bills on time & waiting till the last minute...well for February, I gave him an ultimatum...if he wasn't going to be respectful of his responsibilities to that household, I would find someone else who would. So......before affirming that someone else would be moving in and taking over, he finds a new place. Moved his furniture out last weekend, but leaves a. his trash, b. his clothes, c. his shampoo & sponge, d. all of his posters on the walls, e. HIS FUCKING PET RATS!!!!!
Umm....that would have been the first thing I took care of. But nooooo. He leaves them in his cold room with no heat, on the floor, and leaves his bedroom door open so my cat goes in and fucks with them.
He calls me Wednesday night to tell me he's 'borrowing' MY DVD'S.
?
What the fuck ever happened to asking?
He still doesn't take his rats...I come home after he's left that message...cat's fucking with the rats...all the lights in the house are blaring...blinds wide open.
No. Fuck that. I called and left him a message and told him exactly what he had to do. A. come get his rats, B. not leave the lights on, C. get the rest of his fucking shit.
Don't hear or see him for 4 days. I fed his rats Saturday night because I'm pretty sure they hadn't been fed in at least 2 days. I go to work yesterday and come home to find he's taken the rats, most of his shit-including the Black Sabbath poster he said he'd leave because it matched my couch....leaves some random boxes in his bedroom...did NOT clean the rat funk out...leaves some posters on the wall in the living room.
So, *I* take them down for him. I throw his sponge & his shampoo in his room...I put all of the rest of his fucking shit in his room to get-and that includes his food out of the fridge. It is rotting in there as I write this.
I call and leave a message asking when he will be back to clean up his room and get the rest of his shit, he needs to leave a forwarding mailing address for his mail, he is still responsible for electricity until he is completely cleaned and out of that apartment and handed me his keys.
Obviously I haven't heard back yet.
Oh, and one more thing.....HE STILL HASN'T RETURNED MY DVD'S THAT I *TOLD* HIM TO DO......Both seasons of Family Guy....those are kind of pricy to replace...
So....what can you do to help? Well, luckily, he's a member of SuicideGirls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lucky us.....his screen name is geekwithaguitar. Go leave him messages on his profile telling him how disrespectful and immature he is. Tell him he needs to return my things, hand over his keys, and grow the fuck up. Tell him that unless he gives me his due, I WILL take the next proper step...and fucking trust me....I've got some SHIT up my sleeve.............
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note....I'm shooting my set this Sunday for SG. Wish me mucho luck!!!
I love all you guys...thanks for being so supportive of me.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I guess all you can really do is keep being responsible and together... and yourself, not someone people want you to be. And if they can accept you, then they deserve your attention.
I don't see much hope on the other thing. You know, people can do whatever dumb crap they want to themselves, but turning on your friends? Hurting animals, neglecting your own pets?? That's terrible, and I believe there are laws against it? There should be more of them, anyway. That's terrible. There should be laws on who's allowed to own a pet (or have a child, for that matter).