Interesting thing about stones is that while they change far more slowly than other compounded phenomena, in doing so somehow they speak more eloquently of how time is a river, how all phenomena are a river, a river long, long and ancient.
It seems you, or maybe just I, cannot add a pic once you've screwed up and posted your blog with a music cd in the drive that was sposta have the pic in it. boo. but its in my attachments folder if you want to look at it.
That gamble I took with the 1994 Ciera did most spectacularly not pay off. I blew out the brakes on it wednesday morning. Luckily at less tan 10 mph. I took a couple mornings off from CDL school to look around for a replacement and fill out some apps for financing and I used it as a trade in on a 2004 Nissan Sentra with 31K on it. They didn't even want the Ciera, really, I sold it to a guy this morning. I'm out what I would have been out if I had fixed the Stratus' head gasket back in april. It would be nice to still have than money, but I can't go back in time and tell myself all the things I could possibly ever need to know without having to go through the improvised haphazard processes whereby it gets acquired. I'm not the only person who has such problems.
I highly recommend Unique Motors to anyone in this area who might be reading this. They got me that Sentra for no money down and they rolled the sales taxes into the finance cost so that I could afford the thing after blowing my cash on that damn Ciera.
Thing about getting that Ciera was that It was not an inherently disastrous strategy to get it. I'm sure there are other 1994 Cieras around that would in fact have reliabley and stodgily plodded though the several weeks of service that I sought from it. There are several other old POS cars around and any one might have done the job I needed done; there was a MitusubishI Galant with 148K for $800, a corsica with 90k for $1100 or so, another corsica parked by the roadside for $800, a ford crown Vic for 995, any one could have served, all one needs is a bunch of mornings and $50 fees for mechanics (no problem getting an unlimited supply of those, right?) to look them over to find the one that's not going to crap out 5 days after you bought it. I once read a catalog from a small furniture manufacturer, and they said that when they were starting out, they would make the same mistake four or five times to make sure that it was a mistake. Great way to put a positive spin on things I suppose.
One positive outcome is that I found that my credit is not as disastrous as I had thought. But now I really do need to get my CDL to pay for the new car. I have five weeks left in school and I do think I can manage it.
One perspective on the matter of the Ciera is that I thought negatively about myself and I aimed low, and hit low. Not without reason, my bank had rejected a car loan application because of things on my credid report, I did not have any reason to suppose anyone else would be different, but I find that sometimes, actually quite often you don't have to be partucularly stupid to be wrong. You can be wrong for good reasons, but still wrong. If you give yourself the chance to aim high you just might hit. Heard something on the radio on a Prairie Home Companion to that effect when the subject was on my mind. Thing about reaching goals in life is that you have to work toward them, but you have to flow through life like water, keep your mind relaxed so that you don't box youself in with a thought that alarms you and distracts you from looking around at all that is possible. Obstacles are to be flowed around. Water gets around the hardest stone. you can build the hoover dam but the water just builds up and flows over anyway, you can slow it down but not stop it.
Wednesday evening when I was at work after taking my bike up there again with the car having crapped out I was feeling kind of silent inside. I've unravelled a lot of my tendency to rip into myself about things like this but I was just feeling kind of resigned to the fact that I make bad decisions. Yep, just another one in the long history of them. But now the internal quiet is still there, it's just that I feel a little bit like a marionette; the one car is a disaster and then another one gets put into my hands in a more ideal fashion than I would have dared to think possible. I'm just getting carried along in this wierd story of things going right and things going wrong.
Something I've noticed from the instructors at NETTTS is that they have a more concrete expectation of my graduating and getting my licene than I do. It's from their experience of dealing with hundreds and thousands of people just like me that tells them the process wil proceed. Where with me I'm in a strange situation going I only have the vaguest idea where. . .and well now I guess I just have to start acting like a grownup. A long hinged vehicle is just a thing you can learn how to manage.
Money is such a pressure and I just blew a couple weeks' salary worth of it for nothing, a gamble, a roll of the dice, and often I think that money is really the only human question. But that's really not quite it, I could refrain from spending 24 bucks every three months to be here, but there are other human questions; one needs to interact with other human beings. I'm not that great in person generally but here, as I've said before, one can find others with whom one can share a thought process, and that matters to me. I've got some level of relationship with a few people here that I do in fact give a damn about, and I'm not really certain what to make of the fact that these relationships are taking place on a porno website. Incidentally, I'm rather pissed that I just got an email about the SG burlesque show coming to my hometown of northampton mass on TUESDAY well could anyone have possibly told me this with a little more advance notice so that I could have requested a little time off from work? bah. I can look at naked girls all day long on here I guess if I really need to but . .whatever.
I"ve got marilyn manson's CD Last Tour on Earth playing right now while I'm typing this up. He's about a year older than I am. He's someone who assumed he could do great things and went out and did them. that little equation, that little switch in your mind, and how it's flipped, is so fucking important. a few neurons zapping a few others decide achievement/neurosis, fame/oblivion taking charge of your life/retreating from. Maybe it's a lot of neurons. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing near the edge of a cliff, to jump off is to venture into deciding that you can in fact decide what to do with your life and do it. What do I really want, and what is it possible for me to decide that I could do? even driving big rigs for a 14 hour workday you still have little time to draw pictures or write stories or poetry, or play a musical instument if they guy parked next to you isn't running a reefer unit too loud. what to do, what to decide to do . . it is possible to decide to do something. People who complain, I think, are not taking charge of their lives, and I prefer not to socialize with such persons, as it's important to keep your mind light and fluid and determined, calm and sober and open as the sky.
I don't like the drugs. . but the drugs like me. .
I think marilyn manson has made some of the very small amound of great music that has been make since Kurt Cobain blew his head off. his songs have themes, lyrics, hooks, balls.
Thanks for reading this mental meander, if you have.
May your vehicles all dramatically outperform my 94 Ciera. Fiat bona fortuna vobis.
JBL
It seems you, or maybe just I, cannot add a pic once you've screwed up and posted your blog with a music cd in the drive that was sposta have the pic in it. boo. but its in my attachments folder if you want to look at it.
That gamble I took with the 1994 Ciera did most spectacularly not pay off. I blew out the brakes on it wednesday morning. Luckily at less tan 10 mph. I took a couple mornings off from CDL school to look around for a replacement and fill out some apps for financing and I used it as a trade in on a 2004 Nissan Sentra with 31K on it. They didn't even want the Ciera, really, I sold it to a guy this morning. I'm out what I would have been out if I had fixed the Stratus' head gasket back in april. It would be nice to still have than money, but I can't go back in time and tell myself all the things I could possibly ever need to know without having to go through the improvised haphazard processes whereby it gets acquired. I'm not the only person who has such problems.
I highly recommend Unique Motors to anyone in this area who might be reading this. They got me that Sentra for no money down and they rolled the sales taxes into the finance cost so that I could afford the thing after blowing my cash on that damn Ciera.
Thing about getting that Ciera was that It was not an inherently disastrous strategy to get it. I'm sure there are other 1994 Cieras around that would in fact have reliabley and stodgily plodded though the several weeks of service that I sought from it. There are several other old POS cars around and any one might have done the job I needed done; there was a MitusubishI Galant with 148K for $800, a corsica with 90k for $1100 or so, another corsica parked by the roadside for $800, a ford crown Vic for 995, any one could have served, all one needs is a bunch of mornings and $50 fees for mechanics (no problem getting an unlimited supply of those, right?) to look them over to find the one that's not going to crap out 5 days after you bought it. I once read a catalog from a small furniture manufacturer, and they said that when they were starting out, they would make the same mistake four or five times to make sure that it was a mistake. Great way to put a positive spin on things I suppose.
One positive outcome is that I found that my credit is not as disastrous as I had thought. But now I really do need to get my CDL to pay for the new car. I have five weeks left in school and I do think I can manage it.
One perspective on the matter of the Ciera is that I thought negatively about myself and I aimed low, and hit low. Not without reason, my bank had rejected a car loan application because of things on my credid report, I did not have any reason to suppose anyone else would be different, but I find that sometimes, actually quite often you don't have to be partucularly stupid to be wrong. You can be wrong for good reasons, but still wrong. If you give yourself the chance to aim high you just might hit. Heard something on the radio on a Prairie Home Companion to that effect when the subject was on my mind. Thing about reaching goals in life is that you have to work toward them, but you have to flow through life like water, keep your mind relaxed so that you don't box youself in with a thought that alarms you and distracts you from looking around at all that is possible. Obstacles are to be flowed around. Water gets around the hardest stone. you can build the hoover dam but the water just builds up and flows over anyway, you can slow it down but not stop it.
Wednesday evening when I was at work after taking my bike up there again with the car having crapped out I was feeling kind of silent inside. I've unravelled a lot of my tendency to rip into myself about things like this but I was just feeling kind of resigned to the fact that I make bad decisions. Yep, just another one in the long history of them. But now the internal quiet is still there, it's just that I feel a little bit like a marionette; the one car is a disaster and then another one gets put into my hands in a more ideal fashion than I would have dared to think possible. I'm just getting carried along in this wierd story of things going right and things going wrong.
Something I've noticed from the instructors at NETTTS is that they have a more concrete expectation of my graduating and getting my licene than I do. It's from their experience of dealing with hundreds and thousands of people just like me that tells them the process wil proceed. Where with me I'm in a strange situation going I only have the vaguest idea where. . .and well now I guess I just have to start acting like a grownup. A long hinged vehicle is just a thing you can learn how to manage.
Money is such a pressure and I just blew a couple weeks' salary worth of it for nothing, a gamble, a roll of the dice, and often I think that money is really the only human question. But that's really not quite it, I could refrain from spending 24 bucks every three months to be here, but there are other human questions; one needs to interact with other human beings. I'm not that great in person generally but here, as I've said before, one can find others with whom one can share a thought process, and that matters to me. I've got some level of relationship with a few people here that I do in fact give a damn about, and I'm not really certain what to make of the fact that these relationships are taking place on a porno website. Incidentally, I'm rather pissed that I just got an email about the SG burlesque show coming to my hometown of northampton mass on TUESDAY well could anyone have possibly told me this with a little more advance notice so that I could have requested a little time off from work? bah. I can look at naked girls all day long on here I guess if I really need to but . .whatever.
I"ve got marilyn manson's CD Last Tour on Earth playing right now while I'm typing this up. He's about a year older than I am. He's someone who assumed he could do great things and went out and did them. that little equation, that little switch in your mind, and how it's flipped, is so fucking important. a few neurons zapping a few others decide achievement/neurosis, fame/oblivion taking charge of your life/retreating from. Maybe it's a lot of neurons. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing near the edge of a cliff, to jump off is to venture into deciding that you can in fact decide what to do with your life and do it. What do I really want, and what is it possible for me to decide that I could do? even driving big rigs for a 14 hour workday you still have little time to draw pictures or write stories or poetry, or play a musical instument if they guy parked next to you isn't running a reefer unit too loud. what to do, what to decide to do . . it is possible to decide to do something. People who complain, I think, are not taking charge of their lives, and I prefer not to socialize with such persons, as it's important to keep your mind light and fluid and determined, calm and sober and open as the sky.
I don't like the drugs. . but the drugs like me. .
I think marilyn manson has made some of the very small amound of great music that has been make since Kurt Cobain blew his head off. his songs have themes, lyrics, hooks, balls.
Thanks for reading this mental meander, if you have.
May your vehicles all dramatically outperform my 94 Ciera. Fiat bona fortuna vobis.
JBL
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
salome:
Of course I've heard of the movie Reefer Madness! I own it, I think.
lizzi:
There were some nakey ones too, but I'm saving those for later 