downcaste

Its rare for me to update at this time of day but I had some things on my mind. I guess in a way since I broke up with my gf, I have sort of been living like a monk. Living in seclusion in a sense, staying away from potential relationships, etc. I have basically been devoid off physical contact completely, not just sex. I guess thats why I pet my dogs so much, it must be something almost subconsious. I'm starting to realize one of things I miss most about her is just being able to touch her, not even in a sexual way, I mean just put my hand on her. I don't think she ever appreciated the little things like that. I should have hugged her more.
I'm so mad at her right now but I still want that and its not realistic because it won't happen.
I guess living a monk is working now. It feels like a long journey but the wheels are turning.