I remember reading a quote somewhere, I dont remember what it came from. It said "anger is a gift, which might have been intended to be sarcastic. I guess it sums up how I have been feeling. Things in my life need to change and anger seems to push me further along to do it. The thing I wrote about yesterday is just an example of a bigger problem that I have always dealt with. I believe that in many cases I got treated with less respect than other people around me. I believe that my want to please others and to put them before me is a cause of this. Whether I realize it or not people can sense that about me. The trouble is that I naturally look out for others. So I guess I need to start learning how to protect myself. I dont know, I feel a like a kid learning how to live like an adult about this issue. But I feel like I attract people's abuse. In an ideal world I can try to be kind to everyone but my world is far from ideal.
In a situation related to this, my longtime friend and his wife are having a 1 year birthday party for their daughter. Unfortunately, my exgf became friends with his wife. I have not really discussed with them my issues about how angry I am with my ex mostly because I really only want to bring it up to someone who would empathize with me and the are in the middle.
So my exgf is coming to this party and she can be rather arrogant. After many weeks of thought, I have decided that I am going to confront this situation rather than not go because of her. I now feel comfortable believing that I have every right to be there. My gf will probably go around acting like she has known them forever and that I am not the reason she knows them. Since she is very arrogant and selfish, I believe there is a chance she will bring a new guy. Well this is my territory, the home of the friend I have know for 25 years and I am not going to have her and possibly her guy push me out.