doubleo

So the holiday season in California always seems to confuse me. I've lived here for 7 years but when i walk into a store, not freezing my ass off, and hear christmas music it is more than a bit confusing. It's as if shoveling the sidewalk and scraping a inch of ice off my car windows was somehow mental preparation for christmas.....or maybe it's just...
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So it's 3am and i'm in a limo with 5 trannys dressed in their finest slutty santa attire, i'm drinking straight vodka out of a champagne glass and there is a guy asking my name and rubbing the tattoo on my arm...while at the same time i'm having a discussion with a stripper about how bendy straws would be good so she could do lines...
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The best line ever written..
"Here I am, Rock you like a Hurricane!"

Now if that doesn't evoke a mystical land of rockness with lightening, dark spires and evil unicorns..i don't know what does.

But then again...they are called The Scorpions

(as a preemptive response to the upcoming posts...i am 100% sober)

What The Fuck is Going On?
.....yesterday was wierd, but today was just fucking ridiculous.

I can't leave my house without seeing the oddest things.

I walk out the door and i swear to god i'm surrounded by 15 or 20 clowns on stilts....i just walked back in my house and shut the door.


(what's the sexual commentary you have on this one earplug?)

So I leave my house this morning and the first person I see is a homeless person "skiing" down the sidewalk.

I then pull up next to a bike that's rider is dressed entirely in pink, with her pink bike, pink helmet,pink shoes...only to realize that she is probably about 70 and is doing her damndest to imitate shirley temple. Pink lipstick caked onto her...
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So normally i get these fucking horrible songs in my head...some terrible pop country thing or commercial jingle

but the last couple days i've had a song by one of my favorite bands in my head.....and i can't help but think it's both funny and a little disturbing.

"and when i leave your house i smell
of sex and i know i'm a pervert because...
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Random thought of the day:

Alright...so a bunch of us need to get rascal scooters and buy matching leather jackets that say....i don't know....

Fog City Hoodlums
or
Bridge Bastards
or
Rainbow Killers (or is that too gay?)

and we can cruise around town, very slowly, and look menacing while we block traffic because we can't make it across the intersections in time... not that...
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I fuck up this updating thing alot

i mean a lot

seriously....i mean a lot