dorwayin

I can't get the end of a verse in a song out of my head. The song is Tearz by Wu Tang. Here is the end of the verse.

Aw man! How do I say goodbye?
It's always the good ones who have to die
Memories in the corner of my mind
Flashbacks, I was laughing all the time
I taught him, all about the bees and birds
But I wish I had a chance to sing these three words

After Laughter, Comes Tears

Here's why.

My friend Carl, my brother in law John's best friend, was murdered on monday night.

Carl was a cool dude. He was very kind and generous. I don't know of a bad thing he ever did to anyone. The police are saying there was a fight. Large group of older teenagers. No real facts yet. Carl was probably trying to break up the fight, cause that's the kinda guy he was. He was stabbed. He bled to death before he got to the hospital which was directly across the street. I envision the Good Samaritan emergency room door, as I have been there at least a hundred times. I can see the housing complex in my mind. I imagine his face as he tries desperately not to fall asleep. I think about the pain of knife wounds severe enough to bleed to death in minutes. I see his blood all over that street. It rained hard tonight but that ain't washing shit away. I now fully hate where I live.
I can imagine Carl sitting on the couch watching tv as I have seen him do many times. I can see his computer as I am sitting on his mattress smoking a joint while he signs on. I see him sitting in his taxi waiting for a fair. I imagine the countless times I would pull up to my mother in law's house and Carl would be waiting in the driveway for John to take him wherever they were going. They hung out a lot.
Carl had a 2 year old son. He was with his girl friend for many years. He drove a taxi in brockton/stoughton/canton/sharon. He paid his rent and raised his child. I don't know what she is going to do. There was a big multi state lotto jackpot last night and the only thing I was thinking of if I won was to go on every news station and offer 10 million dollar bounty for whoever did this. alive, arrested and convicted or in pieces in a bucket. And I thought of a college fund for Carl's little boy, that's what he would have done. But someone from california won it. I don't know what to feel now. I have gone through a lot of emotions in the past day and a half. I am sorry for going on but this makes me feel better.
Carl J. Schirmer was 28 years old. Carl was in the top 5th percentile of genuinely nice people. Carl was a great person, a great human being. Carl was my friend.

After Laughter, Comes Tears

On my way home tonight, a taxi drove by as I was waiting at the Cobb's Corner intersection. I looked to see if it was Carl out of habit. I would have beeped, and waved. It will never be Carl again. Cut my skin it makes me human, I am very hurt right now.